Bubbled Up

Want of leaf
Strewn loose
While tender
Heartbeat empty
Paced feet
Wretched wear
Rote begat
Desperation’s turn
Under sunlight
Afloat, the truth
Stunning, told
Afternoon shadows
Began awry
The spun–
Yolk-blush beat
Fortified gratitude
Selfishly unaware
Handles turning
Seconds screaming
For deliverance

A Little Respect – Erasure

I try to discover
A little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain
From breaking my heart

I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
Why you’re making me work so hard

That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no

Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please,
Give a little respect
To me

And if I should falter
Would you open your arms out to me
We can make love not war
And live at peace in our hearts

I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
What religion or reason
Could drive a man to forsake his lover

Don’t you tell me no
Don’t you tell me no
Don’t you tell me no
Don’t you tell me no

Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please,
Give a little respect
To me

I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you’re making me work so hard

That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no

Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please,
Give a little respect
To me

Mondaycholia

Snap up the sunlight,
Hollow in the wanting wood.
A clean shore break of reality,
Burdened with frustration,
Tied-down to routine–
Measured in long hours,
Spent up and crossed in thought,
A reckless hatred of daylight.
Abused and down,
How quickly the weeds grow.
Sitting in misery,
Void of empty desires,
The harrowing bell-chime–
Of the dark to follow.
Away with reason–
The time still burns.

Pointed At Up

I’ve been in a good place. I’m not so butt-hurt over losing my pen pal Saskia for yet another unknown reason. But I added a Sara to the equation. I like having new people to talk to, as this encourages social growth over reclusion. I can’t be troubled by quitters, and will stick with the people who stick with me. Seems pretty straightforward.

I met with my dear friend Angi who went to high school with me but then moved away to Italy. She is back in town for a couple months, it turns out, and will be available for fun for a while. We’ll get to chat and hang out some for the first time in like 4 years. Since I lived in Sacramento back in 2010. Remember that whole life that happened up there? Well I got to go revisiting it all today as I told the tale to Angi. And of course it’s a story with a moral and a message. But I’m not here to be pedantic or regurgitate events to you. We had fun catching up and it was super nice to see her again. When you haven’t really had much communication with someone for that long it kinda makes their memory fuzz out a little bit I guess. Because maybe it becomes harder to imagine what they might do or say. So reunions. A grand thing for long-term friends.

But there’s still a full day off ahead of me, and we’ll just have to wait and see if my hot streak can continue. Perhaps not.

It’s Friday!

Hey, my work week has just ended! Hooray! I deserve some time off, for sure, with how hard I work. Today was a game changing day for me. I finally had enough of the profanity, youtube videos of carnage and gore, and constant violation of company policy and took my complaints to Mike. Naturally Mike was alarmed, and took it to Dave, who then wanted to have a meeting with me. So they pulled me aside and asked me what the hell was going on, and I was totally frank and honest. I can’t stand the way Dominique says “Motherfuck this” and “motherfuck that” every few seconds, and how Kevin will ignore a call, let it go abandoned, go red cup in Zeacom autologing him for ignoring a call, and then putting himself on Order Entry so he can’t take a call. Then he’ll get up and go talk with someone about some game they play where they shoot people a lot. And he talks about how great he is all the time, like it’s something he thinks he can convince me of. Like HE is getting over on all of us because he thinks he’s getting away with it. Well, he’s not getting away with anything, nor will I be a complacent enabler of dreadful behavior. Eliminate him. He’s fucking useless, and is SCAMMING my company by not working for them, putting in as little effort as possible, and making MY job harder. And he thinks he’s just so fucking good. Like Kevin is the authority on ANYTHING? So, Dave had no idea the youtube shit was going on. I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to be on the phone with a customer and someone will motherfuck a little to loud, like he always gets, and I’ll have an escalated call in 1 millisecond. And it looks bad on us. SO BAD. TO be represented by that level of stupidity is a blemish that does more damage than most, because it is rapidly distributed through word of mouth, and a bad reputation is a terrible thing to lose. So, I’m not putting up with that shit. They fucking move me all the way across the room today, right next to Ryan, Oscar and Reggie of which there are two. One in front of me, one on my diagonal.  Oscar has a big personality. I think we’re going to get along really well. I was already speaking Spanish with him earlier. That took him a bit by surprise, I think. Amazingly, a game-changing variety of day. It’s unacceptable to tolerate delinquency; ineptitude is not rewarded with consistent pay. I hope I am the hammer of fucking justice on them. And Stephanie is gone, thank the Jesus. It’s going to be desolate in the lower half of the room, and Dave doesn’t want to fire people, he said, he wants to help them quit if they don’t like what they’re doing. I think these people can perform the basic function, but are they decent? Are they respect-worthy? I’m a sensation on the phone, charming, hilarious, confident. It’s fucking comedy hour over here. I’m damn good at what I do, and I sure know it. And frankly, so must the customers I interact with, because I know what the hell I’m doing and I get shit done, without mistakes. It’s a good day today, because I am earning the respect of the right people, in the right places, where I am already very valued, and clearly the very first employee they will hire on to Mood Media. I imagine there will be some sort of pay increase, though I know not how much. I’d be shocked if they kept me at the same rate. I need to live fellas. I don’t know what’s coming, but I’d be surprised, truly, if I ended up in a pickle. I think good, excellent and bodacious things are headed my way. And I’m already earning “Mike’s favorite” status. Which is a thing I like. Good Friday blog peoples, I hope you go forth and have fun tonight, as I will be trying my hardest to enjoy every vibrant moment on cloud 9. See you later.

Dear

I’m having a rough day emotionally. I’m sad deep down in my core and I don’t know what to do about it. The feeling is just generic sadness draping over my day like a cold wet blanket. I imagine being at work and doing my responsibilities will help that feeling dissipate. But today is half over for me. And the slower half is coming up. So I should have some time in the 5:00 hour to sing some and lift my spirits. After 5:00, basically everyone goes home and I stay till 6:00 when my shift ends. So that last hour I have the whole room to myself, pretty much. I could use a puck-me-up today. For sure.

3:00 update: I’m a little bored but doing ok. I feel like my whole life is an exercise in patience. I keep having these upwelling feelings, and they get to me sometimes. But isn’t that typical? I have therapy tomorrow, and generally, don’t have much to go over with Margaret. She helped me see that my sadness over Jax was misplaced, and so I progressed beyond a state of mourning to acceptance. Where I am doing better overall. I don’t feel abused like I had. I feel responsible and aware. I’m just trying to move along my life-road. It’s not easy, but things worth having are always attainable. Time to get back in there and put my head down. Sigh.