Euphoria

Kendra came over for dinner and we had a great time. I cooked steaks, we laughed and played with Snapchat and had sex. Together we shared stories and learned more about each other through compelling conversation. I was sad that our evening had to come to an end but this is a weeknight after all. 

I’m tired now, but feeling really optimistic that we can continue to head in the direction of coming closer together. It was a very passionate goodbye this evening, one that still  resonates with me. 

Many days lie ahead, and only a few behind. This could be the start of something wonderful. 

Contact

We hung out last night for a couple hours and it was just as wonderful as I’d hoped it would be. We talked, and laughed and walked around Grossmont mall as it was shutting down. She is energetic, interesting and has struck a chord deep within me. She’s different than I am, but we get along great. Truly. 

She has an adoration of me I find intoxicating, and a way about her that is quite inviting. I really feel I click with her more than anyone else I have dated recently. 

We are taking things slowly in this process, and she is still apprehensive about being hurt. I don’t blame her. But that tells me she is holding back some big feelings. I want her to experience those safely with me. 

In time we will take another step. 

Levels

Things are progressing nicely towards our first physical meeting. I, unfortunately, am sick at the moment with a stomach bug, and have cancelled said meeting which was planned for today. The truth of why is the best part. First, the only way I can give her the bug would be to kiss her or to have her put her lips on something that had previously had my lips on it. As this was how I got it. However, she wanted to cancel the meeting because she wanted there to be”no restrictions” at our first meeting. Dang! First meeting? I was all ready to do a hand holding meeting for coffee first before even considering a next move. Nope, she wants zero restrictions. I’m pretty okay with that.

So now the plan is to drive up to Universal Studios and go to Harry Potter zone together. IF… it materializes, that would be a truly fun day. Expensive, but also very exciting and I’d get to spend it with a shockingly beautiful woman. My heart would barely be able to contain itself with her on my arm. She’s very interesting blog, and she has this idea of me that is truly flattering and makes me feel proud in a way. I know that’s who I am, but to see it renewed in her eyes and through her words is remarkable. It’s genuine adoration and interest.

She LIKES me blog, and I like her. She is someone who is similar me in some ways but vastly different in others. Those ways we contrast make us the unique people we are, and in those differences are countless memories and experiences from vastly different branches of development. We have these things to share with each other, not for the sake of contrast, but for education. I want to know what her life was like, so I can better understand the person she became because of it.  Kendra fascinates me deeply, and I am just starting to understand who she is. I have real emotions of fondness and lust growing towards her, with deep and powerful roots.

I don’t know what the future will hold but I am going to be fully enraged in exploring this new development in my life. I’m melting her into a puddle blog, I really am.

A Developing Story

Remember that part about taking things slow? Yeah, fuck that. We’re meeting today after she gets off work. There is mutual interest and mutual attraction. She’s stunning blog… I mean obliteratingly beautiful. Most attractive woman who has ever shown an interest in me. I’m both fortunate and persistent, because I didn’t give up on her at the first failed connection and she ended up taking a real liking to me.

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In fact, she has said herself that she can’t find anything wrong with me other than my pot smoking. Frankly though, this observation has become a bit of a catalyst. I have an 1/8th on hand but I am abstaining indefinitely. Why? Discipline is lacking these days and the act doesn’t provide much good feeling anymore. I need to be, henceforth, an occasional user at parties and my parent’s place. But I don’t need to continue on this way smoking every day. It’s not healthy and it’s not fun. Kendra provided the spark I needed to get my fire of resignation going. So I will have a quantity on hand, but I’m not going to use it. I may even give it back to my dad.

Blog, the past few days have been a roller coaster. First dumped, then found. On top of that, she lives only a couple miles away, as opposed to 84. She has a very active life, and that is something I would love to be a part of. She wants me to ride motorcycles with her, but I am VERY out of practice. I will need to be schooled properly before I can join up with her. She has a horse, and is a veterinary specialist. She makes a shit-ton of cash compared to me, but spends it on her life and her debt. Also like me.

We have a ton in common, but are different enough to be interesting to each other. The real snag I see here is music: she’s into country and I am not really. I listen to a whole lot more stuff than she does, but I have yet to find out how deep her library goes. Maybe she has a more eclectic palate than I see initially?

 

Blog, I’m enthralled and captivated by this witty and unique beauty. As I learn more, I find myself wading deeper and deeper into her waters. I long to dive right in, but things take time to develop.

 

Well we will be meeting today and I will no doubt have a post to share after that has been completed. I’m very excited. I can’t wait to see her.

Parabolic

Today has been a day of extremes. Deep low this morning when I felt the acute sting of knowing Carly was out of the picture. Then dramatic improvement when Kendra came along, which has been trending up ever since. But, needless to say, I feel torn in different directions. I’m exhausted at this point from all the shifting. I’d like things to just flatten into a steady uphil climb. I want to work at building something of meaning with someone I could settle down with. I don’t want to date anymore. I want to find someone and have that be the end of the searching. Concluded. 

But this relationship is just getting started. We still have lots to learn. Hopefully it continues forward. Things are volatile this early on. 

Just Like That

I know you’re getting tired of hearing this, but I have started talking to someone new. Sigh. I know. What, are you doing now?

I didn’t start it really. More than two weeks ago she emailed me back after I asked her where she rode her motorcycle. I had told her of my trips to the desert, but after that, things stopped. I heard nothing until she was “interested” in me on Match today. At first I was like, “no, she made a mistake and accidentally clicked on me” because she had already ignored me once. On a whim I fired off a message asking why she had been “interested” me if she had ignored me before. And that was the catalyst, beginning a back and forth that transcended the chat service provided by Match to text and continued on into the day. We have been slowly conversing ever since, and things are unfolding in a dramatically different fashion than they did a few weeks ago.

The pace is less intense, which has calmed my approach. She is also a very different person than Carly was. Carly was more warm and effusive, Kendra is reserved and cautious and with good reason. I have been very clear in the past that things that do not concern me don’t equate into my evaluation of whether or not to be with someone. Things that matter consist of personality traits, motivation, attitude and curiosity. As my favorite examples. Things that do not matter such as weight, hair color, disabilities and or diseases.

I’m done fucking around at this point. If I don’t find “the one” then I’m going to stop looking and live my life alone. I think that might be best for my mental health. I said I’d give Match 6 months, and it broke my heart once already and may be doing it to me a gain for all I know. Kendra seems really neat, clever, and spunky. She’s direct and piercing as well as honest. She’s 26… 7 years difference between us. That’s how far apart my first wife Jen and I were when we got together, I was 23 and she was 30. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means nothing since we are two totally different people in a new unique situation. Maybe it’s a good thing and will help us because of my love veteran status and my aged wisdom. She seems really down to earth and logical though.

To be honest blog, it’s good to be talking to someone again, someone who is interested in me. But I’m still reeling having been crying my eyes out this morning. I’m still feeling hurt, but at the same time, this new interest with Kendra is taking attention away from dwelling on my sad feelings. These new feelings feel much better. What would I rather spend my attention on, something new and exciting, or something cold and dead? I’m in charge of what my mind concentrates itself on, and I choose finding my love.

Check out this totally ironic post that just showed up in my recommendations. So relevant.