Scryed and Through

Saw the truth–
Through cold doubt.
Speak with dust-whispers,
Days when the sky was blue.

I know–
Buried in flavors,
Succumbing to sensation,
Twine and rent,
Ecstatic cries,
Wings catch the air,

Don’t rest.
The fire burns hot.
Every burden, saved,
Tired hardships weigh,
Road built of stones.
Passing towards fate,
Boundless.

Redonkulous Lurf

So, I might have a job (90% sure). I need to go debug a computer, sign the papers and make it official. I’m very happy to be doing tech work again. This whole thing excites and energizes me towards independence. This is a very difficult time to strive for most people. A lot of hardships and losses. But even though my family lost everything in the housing crisis, we are still a family. We will always have our bonds of love.

This is what endures beyond the acquisition of objects or money. Even though those things matter, they are not the REASON. They are a means to an end, a passage to freedom. A necessary evil. I fucking hate money. If I had more than I needed to live, I’d give it away. I hate it. So many people have died because of it. So fucking many.

Adieu blog readers. It’s Friday night, and I am not doing a fucking thing. And I’m fine with that.

Chabongazoid

Today is a new day, full of it’s own trivial gains and losses. I take small steps toward change, but with SUCH length in which to enact change, I feel mired in a sluggish pace, or perhaps driven to slowness by a depleted reserve. My surplus of flamboyance is markedly low, So much so that labored words exit my mind through the abundant assistance of caffeine.

I want you to know that I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. And I feel it is pretty imperative that I go forward and grow. I stagnate otherwise. I carry a great deal of shame and regret, but I try and stay positive. I don’t know how else to see life anymore. It helps not having to notice when it becomes a real piece of shit. It helps to not have to dwell eternally in sadness over my lot. I can progress past disappointment.

I guess it’s not the pace of events that feels slow. It’s me. It’s winter. The sun is low. The sky is dark. My mood will decline, slowly. I must address the seasonal drift that I DO GO THROUGH. Every winter. Depression. Every single time. I have to find a way to plow through it, regardless of symptoms. And there will be some; they are already beginning, I believe.

It makes me scared to face The Ghost again, but I will. I will face it and fight it. I will not disappear into nothing, like it wants. I will not.

Wish me luck.

Plain and Simple

Clear out my answers and see how YOU look on paper.

  1. Called: Westin Eric Bailey
  2. Height: 6′ 3″
  3. Weight: 227 lbs
  4. Demeanor: Passive Jester
  5. Character: Humble Poet
  6. Self-Image: Bottom-Dweller
  7. Attributes (5): Wiry, Dexterous, Witty, Intelligent, Creative
  8. Nature: Lover
  9. Abilities (2): Technologically Inclined, Philosophically Optimistic
  10. Human vs. Animal Ratio?: Human 79% Animal 21%

Which best suits you?

  1. Fight or Flight?: Flight
  2. Brawn or Brains?: Brains
  3. Truth or Dare?: Truth
  4. Sky or Horizon?: Sky
  5. Introverted or Extroverted?: Extroverted
  6. Night or Day?: Day
  7. Red or Blue?: Blue
  8. Yellow or Green?: Yellow
  9. Risk or Reserved?: Risk
  10. Lies or Honesty?: Honesty

One word.

  1. Who you are now?: Learning
  2. Who you want to be?: Stable
  3. What is the best part of you?: Passion
  4. What is your biggest flaw?: Naive
  5. What drives you?: Pride
  6. What inspires you?: Love
  7. What is your conscience like?: Mentor
  8. Who were you?: Scared
  9. What do others see in you?: Hope
  10. What do you see in yourself?: Humility