I’m being ripped apart by circumstance. I have too many things that are no longer in my control. I wait patiently for my best efforts to be rejected because of my colorfully lame past; because of how I seem, not because of who I am. I expect to be declined the apartment, because mercy is not abundant, and chances are, my fragile life is of little fiscal concern to anyone. Without SOMEONE taking a risk on me, this whole plan will totally fail. It would be a whole different type of failure. A new personal low. Risk everything, be rewarded with rejection. Lose everything, gain only heartache and pain. I find this world to be cold and cruel, if its merciless continue thus unabated. I stand passive, in the face of bullies. I’m sad, and anxious beyond hope. Beyond reason. Lost in panic and worry. Waiting for Wednesday’s mandate to decide my fate.