Letter to JaGnAr (My Sister)

So, It’s been like 1/2 a year since I’ve seen you or something. It’s been long enough that I’ve let you, stupidly, fall out of the “loop.”

It’s my fault, and I just assume your life is WAY more important than mine, and the things you do are VASTLY more relevant. So I haven’t bugged you in a while.

Truth is, my odd little mentally ill life has taken a turn for the better since early November 2012. I met someone through that blog I have where I talk about being mentally ill, and expressing creativity. I fell for her, even though she lived in Gainesville, FL. Rather, WE fell for each other. Since that time, I have been aggressively working towards independence, and a life that includes her.

I saved, got a job, got an apartment, got her a plane ticket, and now we are physically together. Working on an etsy site, looking for opportunities, and generally, living life together in a productive and beneficial way.

It’s pretty obvious to me that this wonderful woman is going to help me be healthy. AND VERY AWARE of my mental illness, it’s tendencies, down-swings, all that. She too struggles with deep depression. We watch out for each other. We are keenly aware of the plights of this condition, and are actively involved in maintaining a healthy, happy environment to thrive in.

I hope this sounds different than before. I have struggled with a partner, in the past, who really didn’t get my illness, or know how to cope with it, when things got bad. Jax is like me… so in short, she gets it. She understands. I understand HER too. It’s a “click” that I never thought possible.

I wanted you to know, that getting married to this woman is, in my mind, just not a huge deal. We are basically as close as two people can get to each other, and effusively in love. I’ve never been as happy as I am now.

I did not think this would be relevant news. I have already been married once, and BOY DO I NOT WANT TO BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT AGAIN FOR THAT REASON. People wasted time, money, and energy on a relationship I KNEW was doomed to fail. I knew it, and didn’t do anything about it, because I can be a real chicken-shit person sometimes. I didn’t want you to be all like: “Oh, again? Really?” That’s how I feel other members of the family might see this.

We are going the courthouse-to-social-security-office route. No frills whatsoever. I just want to be a family with her. I want her to be with me forever. I want no one but her.

But I ALREADY KNEW THIS. Hence, the whole flying her out here and building a life in the same apartment… thing. So this move is no surprise to me. And not much of one for Moo and Daddo, as they have seen first hand how insanely ridiculously in love we are.

So, It’s not really news. And it’s not something I’m bragging about, or even telling anyone. I just don’t see it as important enough for anyone else to interrupt their life for.

Mom wants to have a party… I’m not sure we’ll even do that.

Again, it’s not because I don’t care about you JaGnAr, I’s because I don’t want you to pause your whole life to hear about your mentally ill brother’s SECOND marriage. I mean, as long as I’m doing well, that’s what’s important. Which I am.

So, I’m sorry if you feel slighted. It’s just not a big deal. We act like an old married couple as it is. Seriously. So, have a good day. And keep kicking ass.

~Erit