Response from JaGnAr… I Must Be A Fucking Asshat

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you. Honestly, your email really offended me. I am not out of the loop. You were calling me all the time when you needed things from me before Jax came- hotel, flights, I sent you money for xmas to help you get furniture for the new place I knew you were trying to get, I responded to your emails when you were having a hard time living with Mom and Dad. We have been out of touch since she moved to San Diego, but I ask Mom and Dad about you guys all the time.

My life is no more important than anyone else, especially not yours, and it really bothers me that you blame the reason for our disconnect on an assumption that I am doing things that are “vastly more relevant”. You have never been a great communicator with me and I feel like you only reach out when you need something or, in this case, when you are justifying something that you realize hurt my feeling. IE- positing your engagement on Facebook before telling me.

So I will be honest. I do not agree with your rushed need to get married again and think you are making a selfish decision. I was supportive, albeit apprehensive, about your quick move to fly Jax out and just start living together even though you had never met in person. I am really happy that you have found someone that can help you through your struggles and that you want to spend your life with. I think you have taken enormous steps the last few months but don’t understand this sense of urgency to get married. From my perspective, you are doing the same thing that you did with Jen and Em.

I think that getting married is an adult decision and a big deal. You are not fully independent from Mom and Dad and yet want to make all these decisions as if they don’t impact us. Why not wait until you’re financially stable, have a car and have had more time to get to know Jax before getting married? Mom and Dad have been there for you financially and emotionally and will always be there for both of us but it feels like you are taking advantage of that by making a decision that in the end, if it doesn’t work will greatly impact them, and me. We have all been there for you after Jen and Em. Can’t you just take this a little slower and try to get all aspects of your life together before getting married again? You love Jax, she loves you, just be in love and live together and save money and be your own people.

You live in a world were you think your mistakes and hardships in life have not effected all of us. You stopped talking to us for a year when you were with Jen and  let her treat Mom and Dad like shit in there own home .  Your rushed relationship with Em, and not really knowing who she was when you moved in together resulted in such terrible fights that the police had to get called and she went to jail! I know you say you don’t want to be the center of attention, so don’t be. Just have a normal relationship for a while. Please don’t take advantage of Mom and Dad anymore by making decisions as if they won’t effect them. ALL of your relationships have had huge impacts on our family and this one seems no different. If you want to get married again great, but why don’t you become your own independent person first. Stop taking money from Mom and Dad when they don’t have money to give you. Prove that you are an adult and act like one instead of making all these irrational quick decisions that hurt all of us when they fail. Stop being so selfish for once Eric.

It sounds like it doesn’t matter how any of us feel, you are going to do what you want to do, but I am not going to pretend like I don’t care. You are not my kid but my sibling and I have sat back for a long time when I thought that your decisions were irrational and would hurt the family and they have.

If you and Jax are happy and in love then work on that, work on being financially stable and then get married. Why do you have to rush to the last step when so many of the other steps to staying stable are not in place. Mom and Dad can’t support you forever, think about them and show all of us that this is the real thing by making it real and not rushing into as you have in the past.

I hope for the best with you and Jax, but I am being honest that I will not support your decision to rush your relationship again,  regardless of where that leaves our relationship.

MY REPLY

 

So, I’m really sorry that the first message I sent produced any fuel for this response. I feel genuinely crushed about that. I’m not sure what to make of your reply to my message. A lot of emotions are wrapped up in this charged response, I think. If anything, I thought myself resigned and subordinate in tone and demeanor, not assertive or presumptuous. Or, that was my intent.

I’m really sorry you are upset. That’s honestly the last thing I was hoping to do. I’m regretful of the way I phrased things; or perhaps disregarded something that has now struck a nerve. I’m not sure, but either way, I’m sorry. Truly.

I’m sad that you would be ok with sending me this response. It really hurts to read some of the things you said in there. I’m not taking offense, or even holding any of this against you in resentment. You are always my sister, and I love you. Regardless of trauma, or extenuating circumstance: we are blood, and I never stop caring about you. I accept that I only see a small piece of the whole picture of your world, and don’t fully comprehend how or why these words came to be directed at me. I am deeply sorry for my contribution to your frustration. I must seem rather deplorable to then deserve this letter’s contents .

In short, I apologize. It was never my intent to seem anything other than appreciative of the life I have now. I am thankful, every day, to and for those who have contributed to my continued existence. I continue to work hard, and be respectful. I’m doing the best I can. I try really hard to do right, I fuck it up sometimes, but overall, I think I’m doing good.

I hope you can understand that I am only sad, and sorry.