Busy Bee

I’m in the shop for 12 hours today. That seems like a lot, because it is.

I guess it’s because they trust me to run the show, and do a good job. They’re right. I’m damn good at this job, and worthy of the level of responsibility I have been given. I hope…

Of course I have doubts. I’m still cautious… not all ambitious kicking the shit out of the world or anything.

I’m not that guy either.

I try. I try my best, even. I think I’m doing pretty good for a mentally ill person. I have not given up on my life. I continue to yearn for newness, change, progress. I don’t think I could settle for some quitting, half-assed way of doing things. It’s my self-worth and pride that are at stake.

I also have this thing; it’s an overriding sense of morality. I really do believe in doing right. I mean, really right. Not just “what’s right for me,” but universally, what would be accepted as the “right” thing to do. Not exploiting people. Not deceiving people. Not taking advantage to gain something over someone. Not being violent. Not committing blatant crimes.

I don’t know. Is that fucking lame of me?

 I don’t see any reason to live another way. I am bound by a willingness to help people, and be good inside. Because I’m proud of my ability to do that. I can look at myself and say: “hey, you’re trying, and you’re doing good things. That’s all you can really do.”

So, I’m grinding away in the shop. Working, when I have the ability to do so. It’s kinda dead in here today. No computers to repair off the bench. Just remotes, so far.

I hope you all out there have a good day. I wish nothing but the best for you, and whatever it is you do that makes you happy.

Strive!

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