I’m doing well, mostly because I’ve been ridiculously busy. I feel like I am missing something…
My heart has been full of love. I cherish my wife. We are together in a constant struggle with mental illness. We are still learning how to be; how to help each other through those hard times. I can understand Birdy’s struggle with independence. I’ve restricted her to a dependent role. Yet, I have tremendous admiration for how she pushes through symptoms, despite loneliness and isolation. I am away from her, leaving her alone with reoccurring symptoms. I wish so deeply that I could make her feel complete; full of hope and purpose. I can’t control the uncontrollable; more often than not, I frustrate myself trying.
I am neglecting this blog. I have been integrated into a different mode of priorities. I drive myself on, in a state of new-found functionality. Am I about to demolish myself against the shoal? I wish I knew what was in store. Anxiety drives me to ponder the future. I live in a state of jittery fluctuation. My thoughts are divided between the logical, and the absurdly emotional.
I hope you can see that I am trying. I push through pain. I struggle with myself, my inner-doubt. I dream, and wonder.
I don’t know where my words go sometimes. I simply cast my arbitrary ruminations out into the void. I have no desire for understanding.