Delete

I deleted the other post because it was depressed-talk and primarily nonsensical garbage. I need to shut the fuck up and stop pitying my lot. So I’ve fucked this relationship up. Crying about it doesn’t change anything.

I made a therapy appointment for Monday at 8:45 at a “sliding-scale”counseling clinic. I am going to try to get in on Tuesday to see a replacement psychiatrist so I can get a new prescription. I’m out of 2 meds now, and things will only get worse if I don’t do something. Action is to be taken.

This pain isn’t going away until I can show myself that I’m worth saving. That I have something of real value in me that should be fought for.

None of this brinkmanship, whining or sorrowful remarks. Just go out there and make yourself feel better.

It’s just going to take a while before she ever really trusts me again. Or respects me, for that matter.

I’m hopeful I can earn back her love, or what of “us” I have destroyed, squandered or otherwise damaged…

 

To persevere despite BiPolar is to understand the cycle of depression, and know that where you are, is where you have been before, and will soon be back to after a peak, and over and over, but not mired forever… soon, we will be free.

2 thoughts on “Delete

  1. WEB, it’s been forever since we’ve talked and since I’ve visited your blog, and I’m sorry for that. Something prompted me to come and read and reach out to you, I don’t know what it was – maybe it’s my own hills and valleys, maybe it was listening to Two Against Nature and thinking about you and Andy being the funniest, most awesome uber-intellectuals I had the privilege of being friends with. I’ve read back a few entries already but I’m going to make a point to read back and catch up. Shoot me an email anytime, I’d love to hear fr you.
    Your old buddy,
    Erin

    • Hello Enir!

      Hearing from you brings back a lot of good memories. We laughed a lot together. I’m making a life for myself and dealing with my symptoms as best I can. Learning always, growing constantly. Your compliments are hugely appreciated, and thank you very very much for reaching out, regardless of motivation for doing so. I would be only too happy to catch up with you via email; mine is a tumultuous tale indeed. I remember many good times. “Two then six then two. The door to the theater, is big and blue.”

      I’m wishing you and your family-tribe well. Happy times ahead, assuredly.

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