I deleted the other post because it was depressed-talk and primarily nonsensical garbage. I need to shut the fuck up and stop pitying my lot. So I’ve fucked this relationship up. Crying about it doesn’t change anything.
I made a therapy appointment for Monday at 8:45 at a “sliding-scale”counseling clinic. I am going to try to get in on Tuesday to see a replacement psychiatrist so I can get a new prescription. I’m out of 2 meds now, and things will only get worse if I don’t do something. Action is to be taken.
This pain isn’t going away until I can show myself that I’m worth saving. That I have something of real value in me that should be fought for.
None of this brinkmanship, whining or sorrowful remarks. Just go out there and make yourself feel better.
It’s just going to take a while before she ever really trusts me again. Or respects me, for that matter.
I’m hopeful I can earn back her love, or what of “us” I have destroyed, squandered or otherwise damaged…
To persevere despite BiPolar is to understand the cycle of depression, and know that where you are, is where you have been before, and will soon be back to after a peak, and over and over, but not mired forever… soon, we will be free.