I am such a fool. But hey, that’s not going to fundamentally change. I like being a bit askew, makes me feel different. I thought about using this post to belittle myself further over how my relationship deteriorated and is now dead. But this, we already know. We are aware of the circumstances. I’m making progress, not looking back.
Her story has been tough to endure, mostly because I’m just SUCH an asshole to her. I’ve never seen anyone go from one extreme to the other as fast as she had, AND TO MAKE PROFOUND JUDGMENTS ALONG THE WAY! Here I was thinking Cavalry Archers had the hardest job. Wrong. It’s you.
But whatever. It just means, she quit on this life. That’s all it will ever mean anymore, because every other emotion and statement tied up in her betrayal hurt too badly to deal with regularly and also have no logical reason to exist for as long as they seem to endure. We’ve collectively moved on. Which is a good thing, because there are still a ton of new things to do in this life. I am currently:
-Becoming a regular Bass Angler
-Engaging my peer community in weekly meetups
-Staying vigilant with appointments
-Keeping a positive attitude despite it all
I won’t deny my inward spiral has been largely negative. Self hate mired in pity doth not oft lead to the good. So I got out of that.
One thing I want to be clear about though is that I’m sacrificing my self-image in order to continue on leading my life. So while you WILL have a chance to hear my wife cry “rape” and belittle me as an objectifying testosterone-driven moron, you will not hear me strike back. I won’t dignify the assault on my reputation, because I know it’s what she needs to have be true, so she can justify her adultery to herself. If I’m a bad man, I probably deserve to be cheated on. I mean right? I’m already an ass, so it’s ruined either way. Why not pile on the shit to the wagon?
In other words, I’m just “over” it so I can move on and get to posting about my Angling adventures or any number of new face/place I encounter along the way. Already actively looking for a new “someone” to be the person (peer) I relate to on my issues and tribulations. And getting results, as the search deepens.
So below is a reblog of her most recent post, just so you have an idea about what a true rat-fucker I am.
Funny how things and people react. I’ve been speaking my mind on the internet for this long I’ll surely not stop now despite the fragile complex of certain people in my life. Knowing perhaps that certain things I say and talk about may offend others is simply something unavoidable. I speak my mindless regardless. And it is my mind.
I’m finding myself looking back on my marriage and dissecting the relationship. Being in the midst of an odd friendship with a man I of course find myself comparing from time to time. Mostly in the ways I’m treated. I’ve realized that in my past I haven’t required a certain level of treatment for myself. I’ve been stuck in a rut of relationships where I’m not treated as a woman but as a sexual object. I feel anyway. My last relationship for example. I used to be greeted everyday by my…
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