Field Trips

I have made group social interactions a part of my recovery from this most-recent life collapse. I stated going to a DBSA Support Group here just down the street, which will be rewarding once I get over the shock of seeing all those people just LOOKING at me. I can feel their eyes running like ants all over my skin. I mostly kept my head down, and sponged. I have also been invited by Jacqueline (new) to a party type thing tonight. Apparently she knows the dude who hit it big with the Killer Bunnies franchise. And there will be games, fun and laughter, truly. So this is all going well. I’m in a battle for identity with the fear and paranoia of anxiety to strike flame to the kindling. I have a hard time still, understanding who I am. I sit here and write, and I still do not know. Am I a guy who needs someone else to be complete? Do I have the strength to be my own person with my own boundaries in any sort of relationship I become involved in?

But getting out will be good for me. That much is certain. And going back to the DBSA group will only bring good things to my world. Even if the challenge, right now, seems daunting. I still have responsibilities on my plate which require attention, but I find myself unable to resolve them. I sit and stare. It’s like I’m stuck in pause mode.

My Geodon is going up to 200 mg daily instead of 160. I think the psychotic tingly crap is still trying to leak in on the edges. So we have top sure up a bit, to keep all the crazy in the designated crazy holder.

But overall, I know measurable progress is being made. It’s going to take time before I can handle something big. But I am on the surefire road to the promised land of stability. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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