Why not forgive? It seems like, if you are complicated enough to experience joy, pain and boredom, you could manage to release the negative feelings associated with me. It’s only a burden on you, which is why I petition you to forgive and forget me. I’m not the one you want, but I could certainly do less harm to your fragile world than I already seem to. If you could let go of the animosity, the disdain, the hate even. It seems to me that since you have no way of expressing or receiving gratification and acknowledgement for said harbored feelings, that it might just be easier to release them from concern. I am willing to listen, and hear your feelings. Though, I doubt you will take me up on this offer, but if you want to call me just to express your contempt, I would be ok with that. You WILL be acknowledged. Recognized as valid and the importance of said feelings reiterated and recorded. It’s really the last thing I have left to offer you. So, take me up on that if you want to exercise healthy recovery from poisonous feelings held tight to the self without hope of release. It sounds to me like a lot has been going on, and maybe it would be nice to know someone out there still thinks about you, still cares about what you do or do not do. I still contemplate a way out of this pickle and on to something that works. That does not have the same stigmatized feelings as before, but is universally new and intended to suit our now independent lives. Is animosity worth holding on to?
If it’s any consolation:
I have written before that I could not forgive you. I’m mistaken. I CAN and DO now forgive you for ending our life together. For leaving me and taking up the arms of another while I was in the Psych Hospital. I also forgive you for the anger-driven words, the intentions and the scalding nature of our break-down. I am strong enough to recognize your feelings and move beyond that. It’s washed clean, as far as I’m concerned. If we meet, it is as distinct adults, drifting on the open sea of time and change. But I doubt we will cross paths. It seems like that’s the way you want it to be. I’m not one to argue anymore, so there we have it.