I don’t have a task (or two) to line up today, so, I get what is effectively an “off day” from my “hardly rigorous” schedule. I shouldn’t be too disparaging, because I have good things to report on many fronts. I got involved with NAMI here in San Diego, and at the Easy County Mental Health Services building they hold meetings weekly (Friday 12:00 – 1:30) called Recovery Connections. I was REALLY active in the group this time. I had so many left over bad feelings from that DBSA peer support thing I had been going to on Thursdays. I went 5 times, and 2 times it was a total whiff, with the group’s attention focused on one person’s crisis, and all conversation and energy drawn to it. I was not there to help someone sulk, or pity themselves, or try and dig someone out of a hole they helped put themselves in. Acknowledgment and acceptance of responsibility are KEY to my involvement in providing assistance, and if you and I can’t agree that you’re in the business of helping yourself, I’m not going out on a limb for a total stranger. Sorry.

I want to go to groups so that I can give AND TAKE something back for myself. If people are willing to contribute on an advanced level, follow some pre-set rules, then everything should work out nicely. The DBSA meeting on Thursdays has no coordinator from an organization of any form, it’s (therefore) peer-led. Which is not any good, because there is structure that is present in a managed circumstance that is brutally absent in peer-led arrangements. No one respects a peer leader, or any rules (it seems). But I digress; the real issue here is that I was active, free with my thoughts, and liberal with my commentary during this highly-rewarding group session. Cynthia and Red were our hosts, and they made the group active, flow nicely, enforced rules / time constraints and basically did everything one needs to in order to lead a group solidly towards noticeable objectives. I learned the value of my mindfulness practice (reenforced from life skills), and had some great insights from peers about how to manage stress and anxiety with meditation. And I had great things to add, and topics to bring-up. It went really well, so I am pleased and will be going back weekly.


On top of all that, another NAMI group member invited me to a “highly intellectual” DBSA meeting being held on Tuesday evenings in the same location as the other one I attended. Not bad. I’m clearly making strides to being more high-functioning. Other people are noticing, even. So this is all good news. I will have a new group to go to at 6:30 Tuesday evenings weekly. I’m just really excited about the direction my life-world is headed, and I can’t tell you how good it feels to have the drive and will to succeed. It is wholly empowering and reinforces good behaviors and thought-patterns.

But today is an “off day.”

My mom is going to put art to some of my poetry. I have the task of going through them and finding ones that would make for that sort of physical inspiration. A lot of my poetry dives deep into my symptoms, and that’s not necessarily a fun thing to read about. So, I’ve got other poem “genres” and the task of sorting through the 80+ samples is now up to me.


I’ll let you all know what the outcome is, but I think it will be pretty smashing.

3 thoughts on “Offed

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