Wishing For

I’m here with some feelings. I know the world is moving all around me. People are off doing their lives. I really want to be healthy and stable again. I feel an emptiness in my life where my personality and charisma once resided. It’s hard to rebuild enthusiasm. All that I had wanted to keep, I lost. I’ve had to start from nothing and build up slowly. I’m beginning to think the world is full of people who are ok with lying. Or pretending their life is something fictional or otherwise inaccurate. I just can’t believe anyone. No one but myself. And I should always have my best interests in mind. I should be advancing my cause whenever possible. I can say I’ve grown. I can concretely say I’m learning new things. Every day. I’m somewhat proud of that.

My time here is important. I have things is like to do in the world, and I have the means of accomplishment as my principle. I’m sure brighter days are ahead. I’m not pretending I’m more well off than I actually am. I’m not deluding my situation to console myself or some such. I’ve just got it down to myself and reality. Unfiltered and unadulterated. I can handle that at least.

I’m sad only because I think I’m used to always having someone there. I was successful in the past as a necessity for my relationships. I wanted for independence only to give it away shortly thereafter. I am going towards the future for my own goals and reasons. I’m doing the best I know how to. And I guess that’s all I can ask for.

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