Letters For Will

I miss talking to you often, and that’s mostly my fault. I’m in internet-lockdown mode and can hardly have much of an online presence. Skype is like out of the question for me. So I figured, hey, why not drum up some random conversation over email, that way you can take your sweet time in responding and get to it when you have the time. Adaptable discourse, let’s say. At any rate, I’m hopeful about some promising job leads I’ve been following up on. Maybe my departure from the temporary living space is closer than I think? Anyway, I’m making good steady progress, and measured successes. I’m rebuilding for just me this time, not for or because of anyone else.
I’ve had a lot of time to sit here and think about myself. It’s turned over some pretty serious trauma, and revealed the severity and seriousness of my mental health.I have to be superdooper on top of it.Haveto be, now, because all my future depends on my surviving a crisis alone.I needto be able to beself sufficient, if all else fails. It makes me eager, because I really want to try hard and prove to everyone that I can do it. Even if it is a great sum of difficulties, perseverance and progress prevail.I’ll just get right to it: Ultimate. Apocalypse.BUM BUM BUM!It’s the greatest RTS game I’ve ever played. I have lots of words about it already written on my blog. Pages and pages of countless game theories andpontifications. It’s actually garnered me a somewhat robust listening audience (mostly international) that read my game articles. I have over 350 active followers. It’skind of a lot. They often have things to say about my thoughts and the weird  shit I post up there. I want to talk to you all about Ultimate Apocalypse, and my ideas for the future. I see us doing some organized fun together sometime soon. SPOILER ALERT. There will probably be orange soda nearby.Anyway, be well friend. Let me know how things are doing goes.


Hey dude,

I’m super happy to hear how you’re pushing along and pushing forward. Do the jobs you’ve been looking into seem interesting? Tell me more!
I wouldn’t mind playing a few games of UA… man, I miss my buddy. I can’t wait till you are back on your feet and internet connected. :)
I’ve been trudging along with my job. Things are great here; I have no reason to complain, but at the same time I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from my job. That’s a bummer. I am really appreciative to have a steady income though. This area of the world continues to be weird. This place is, in some ways, stranger than SF city. Apparently I live in a dangerous area where there are always cops. Just yesterday someone got shot by a cop not very far down the street. I guess this is just a very busy road, so maybe it’s just that. The difference between the tech world and the rest of the world is as obvious as always in this area. Very strange indeed.
I’m still waiting to get a car. This old roommate who has one to sell me keeps pushing back the date. I should move on, but I don’t have enough money to find many options. I can afford his car for the KBB price of $1,500. Any other craigslist $1,500 car seems like a complete gamble. Way too risky. They are all over priced here. A comparative car to the one my roommate has, with the KBB value of 1500 is listed on craigslist here for at least 3k. It’s ridiculous. So… instead of being screwed out of the little extra money I have, I have been waiting. And riding my bike. I hate that damn bike ride now. You’d think I’d start to enjoy it more as I got more fit. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not a morning person and certainty not someone interested in riding a damn bike in the morning. Riding home from work is totally fine though. Anyway… I feel silly even half complaining. Things are so much better than they have been in the past. Things with Sandra are going well also.
I still want to figure out my way to change the world for the better. Income redistribution. I’m going to research that. Wiki says that term is about transfer caused by “a social mechanism such as taxation, monetary policies, welfare, charity, divorce or tort law”. Not really exactly what I was thinking. Maybe charity fits. Not fully selfless charity though. People need some good incentive.
Great idea with the email messages!
Thanks for the reply so fast. The job I have a good lead on is to become the IT department of the Hope Connections program thathas been helping me since I got out of the hospital. They just got a grant for expanding their services, and adding technical support is going to happen soon. They haven’t written a job description yet, but I am looking for it so I can go apply and then pull some strings or drop names or whatever I need to do to get back to work. I also enrolled in a program with a company called Mental Health Systems, and in reality, they’re a glorified employment agency that gets funding for placing mentally ill folks in jobs they enjoy. Hopefully, if the thing with Hope Connections takes too long I will be able tousetheMHS program to find similar work. Either way, I’m temporarily in limbo over a next move, waiting for someone to call me and tell me I’m enrolled.Yeah, I can understand about crime and whatnot. It was much the same story when I lived on Mills st. Lot of cops hanging around, especially those 2 gas stations. I guess it comes with the territory of inexpensive housing. You just make do with what you have and go forward regardless. At least the cops aren’t after YOU. Hehe.I know you’re somehow permanently hardwiredto be more active at night, so I’m very glad to hear that despiteit’s inconvenience of having to get up early, you still do. It’s not ideal, I get that, but still, proof to yourself that life is more valuable than sleep. Which is a good thing indeed.Since I’m pretty much at zero in my life, I am finding it hard to fully understand your ideas about sharing income. I mean, if you knew themoneywas being used for some good, and not abused, then I can see how this would work. But the world is fallible, and greedy, and not geared to take money and help people with it. You’d be better off writing your own unique contracts and becoming a personal humanitarian bank, getting friends and relatives and family financial help to secure their lives. At least you know a bureaucrat isn’t pocketing some share of what you intended to redistribute.Anyway, good on you for being out there and keeping your life in one piece. I’m proud of you. And more importantly, I admire and respect you, for your success and your perseverance. I can only learn good things from the model you have presented.I’m hopeful that I can be independent again in a few weeks, maybe a month or two. I’m not sure how things are going to line up, and I definitely need a job so I can build up enough money to go get me a residence again. All good things come in time, or to those who wait, or whatever. But this is something I can do, for sure. I want to get my hands back into tech support, and start helping people again. I feel empty and unfulfilled most of the time because this piece has been missing in my world. But not for long.

And yes, we will have us a game soon, but it will take me some time to get back to where I need to be for that to happen again. I have it as one of my goals, for sure. And YOU probably need to just download and start messing around with it, because I’ve had some time to play it, and figure it out. I’ve mastered 2 build orders, one with Tau Empire and the other Eldar. Believe it or not, the Tau build is largely melee, and the Eldar is ranged. Um, like, what? Yeah, opposite of how I have played them in the past, I am aware. But a much better, faster, deadlier build now than ever before. I leave the AI on Harder and can beat it every time, even if I dilly dally. It’s the Insane AI I have trouble with. It’s just SO FAST. So much faster than even I know how to go. It’s not reasonable to play that AI and expect to win at all. It’s damn near hopeless, unless you get them on a map where they have no good strategy(see, no markers) and THEN they will die. But that’s not often, and not because I was better.

Hope you have a swell weekend day. I’ve got family visiting from out of town, so I will be doing that for the next couple days here.