Often I Wish

I wish I had a healthy brain that behaved. I wish I had the ease of infallibility. The cruelty of superiority. Perhaps not. I’m a wanderer. And bound by the whims of chance. Whether my energy output is appreciated or not, I still bring a high level of effort to my affairs. I try, because it means something to me to do my best. I don’t circumvent for the sake of convenience. I’m not happy until thriving.

I have to now emphasize that I have high standards for participation in future engagements. I will be quick to evaluate worth, and discard you if you don’t meet my eyes. Is it too much to ask for intelligent and introspective people to make their way into my sensors? I’m starving for someone to share in the tumult of reality. Appreciation is a mutual arrangement of an understood philosophical convergence. I don’t think that’s asking too much. And maybe that course bounds me to solitude. Maybe I need done time to myself anyways.

In truth, I don’t hold out hope for understanding beyond myself. I think that first, I need to be 100% ok with me. In whatever state I find myself. The strength to face the future comes from within. I know I can master this area. I can be back to where I want to be with my existence. But all good things do come in time. I know it.