Remember To Whisper

All secret thoughts sound like whispers in my mind. Not shouting. Not even normal speech. But whispering. Strange.

It’s as if I’m still afraid to have thoughts and BARELY take responsibility for them. But I know better than this. I’m better grounded now than ever before. Why are my thoughts still afraid?

I sit in my jeep at lunch and eat my food. Quietly and politely. I often find my thoughts drifting to George Michael songs that remind me of my ex wife. Lyrics haunt me for days at a time. But this is me. I’m a fractured person, with demented patterns. I live ensnared in a mesh of ropes hanging over the abyss. Politely said.

Clearly I’m not partnership material. Once you get close to me, there’s no real safety left. I tend to throw my trust in from the get go. And I have to be flat out unhorsed to be stricken with an inability to effectively communicate. My language is a broadsword. Bitch.

I worked my ass off today, putting together two huge 70 slide power points for our training purposes. I provided the knowledge and initiative. My boss went out of his way to thank me for that. He appreciates a hard worker when he sees one. And I know I’ve impressed him.

I can walk tall at that office, because I’m earning respect with how I carry myself, how I behave, how I dress, and so on. I’m helping everyone out, and simultaneously earning the trust and admiration of my superiors. If my supervisor hasn’t said something about me to HIS boss I’d be shocked.

These are the aspects of incentivized good will that inspire me to act as I do. With respect, dignity, and pride.

I think that distinguishes me from the rest. They aren’t looking for a way to separate themselves from the flock. I’m sprinting towards the horizon with no one anywhere near me. I know I’ll get to know all those agents, and eventually I’ll be right there slinging calls with the best of them. I can’t wait to just be out there on the phones, doing the real work of helping people. I take so much from what I can do for YOU. It lifts me up to know my knowledge and advice helped you realize your problem could be resolved. These are the blocks that build my foundation.

A weary mind begs for sleep, and so to must I.