To Begin

I’ve been good, in that I’m not exposing myself to bad things. I stopped reading Jax’s blog after she got together with her most recent boyfriend. It’s all still very fresh and painful. I can’t seem to be just “done” with sadness. Maybe I’m punishing myself a little, but then all feelings are legitimate; even the unwanted ones.

I’m not moving out this week after all. Just couldn’t make the management company happy. They wanted an awful lot of paperwork and documentation from my work that I didn’t feel comfortable giving. So, we keep searching, never stop trying.

I’m just a few minutes before therapy. This week wasn’t as painful as last week. I guess some little things are starting to work themselves out in my head. If that makes any sense.

Struggling with emotions is not unknown territory for me. I’ve dealt with this all my life. And yet, it never gets any easier having to choke-down a breakup with no one to help pick up the pieces. Abandonment. They’re tough realities to face. I am doing good though. I’m not going to give up on trying to make new friends or relationships. It’s effort well spent in the pursuit of tranquility.

My mind is like scrambled eggs. I thought I had therapy this week. Turns out it was next week. Damnit. I didn’t have to wake up at 6.

Thunderstorms today. I already heard some thunder. But knowing San Diego, we won’t actually see much weather action. Big line of cumulonimbus clouds stretching northeast across the county. Maybe some extracurricular fun but probably not.