I really was in a bad place earlier this morning. I’m just so hurt that she would suddenly decide to ignore me. I didn’t DO anything. I don’t understand just ceasing all communications after everything was pointing at progress, curiosity. I don’t know what did it, maybe nothing having anything to do wit me at all. But whatever it is, I’ve moved right on by. I’ll admit my feelings were down. I was disappointed in such an unexpected change. I was having fun, clearly my posts and attitude must have reflected that. You know I have feelings about someone when I make an album for them, though she never got to see it, because I never had a chance to tell her. It’s a shame, because it was unnecessary and mean, and not a quality I embrace at all.
So I’ve decide to go right back at it, because what the fuck do I have to lose? And I said it myself earlier, that even if the whole thing evaporated, I would still take it as a good sign, and a sign of more open minded people out there somewhere. I’ve though of widening my search, because distance should not be the deciding factor. I may incur a national search, who knows? I like the thought of the THEORY behind finding Jax; that two people who truly were meant to be together, would find a way to be together. And if there is to be a match out there, I to believe that there will be little doubt in finding it. No one needs to be talked in to anything. Really truly honest people are out there waiting to answer frankly, and love plainly, and trust fully. It’s inevitable, the finding of this. I for one am excellent at putting my energy into things and achieving results. It’s totally possible. It’s not my first objective right now, so I may encounter some failure along the way. I’m ok with that. I guess.