Just Time

I don’t think the world is any kind of fair. Bad things happen to good people, perhaps more than is reasonable. But reality doesn’t change because I’m dissatisfied with the overall ratio. Nothing bends itself to accommodate your personal needs, limits, requirements. Instead, we are very much slaves to the whims of radical, out-of-control forces. Events and people and interactions all colliding all around me like a sea of screaming voices. Is this really the way it goes? I’m probably pushed to some fringe category where my pool of peers is hardly measurable. To be honest blog, I’ve been feeling alone and needing a real hug. Somewhere deep in my personality, a part of me is still hurt, alone, scared. I’m grappling with mighty emotional forces in my mind. There are lots of positives to think about, mind you. Accolades and the material results of steady work are showing themselves. I have the respect of my bosses, and peers. I couldn’t ask for much more in that department.

I was singing out loud on Saturday. Just so happy to be chatting socially with an attractive woman. Then to be just cut off like I had died. Or had said the cursed words. Or who knows what. I don’t pretend to understand other people’s motivations. All I can do is be straightforward, honest, and dignified. I have so much to offer a potential match. I am charismatic, articulate, visionary, creative, original and sensationally, appropriately, hilarious. I have been aligned with people fundamentally incapable of grasping certain parts of my personality, or had difficulty with my shortcomings. I don’t have much relevance in a societal sense. I have no educational certifications, no credit standing, no credibility in any legal function. I have things to offer, but they are a different kind of thing not valued my anyone overly fixated on what society thinks is relevant. It’s not by that standard that I aught be judged anyway. My qualities are profound, but visible only to an experienced eye.

Finding that… oh boy. I’m willing to look anywhere, but I should limit my chances of success to my city. Which is a cultural hub, and attracts all kinds of the right people. Eventually this whole thing will sort itself out. Anything can happen, right? Even if the ratio is whacked. It doesn’t matter to people who try, regardless of eventuality or outcome. We push because, morally, we want to for ourselves. For our pride. It’s what makes me shine.

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