Dear

I’m having a rough day emotionally. I’m sad deep down in my core and I don’t know what to do about it. The feeling is just generic sadness draping over my day like a cold wet blanket. I imagine being at work and doing my responsibilities will help that feeling dissipate. But today is half over for me. And the slower half is coming up. So I should have some time in the 5:00 hour to sing some and lift my spirits. After 5:00, basically everyone goes home and I stay till 6:00 when my shift ends. So that last hour I have the whole room to myself, pretty much. I could use a puck-me-up today. For sure.

3:00 update: I’m a little bored but doing ok. I feel like my whole life is an exercise in patience. I keep having these upwelling feelings, and they get to me sometimes. But isn’t that typical? I have therapy tomorrow, and generally, don’t have much to go over with Margaret. She helped me see that my sadness over Jax was misplaced, and so I progressed beyond a state of mourning to acceptance. Where I am doing better overall. I don’t feel abused like I had. I feel responsible and aware. I’m just trying to move along my life-road. It’s not easy, but things worth having are always attainable. Time to get back in there and put my head down. Sigh.

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4 thoughts on “Dear

  1. It’s tough when days like that happen, even tougher when it is weeks or months. I hope that last hour at work when you are on your own is enjoyable. When on my own at the office, I like to dwell on the fact that i could, if I wanted, run around naked and smoke crack .. if, you know, I did that sort of thing.

    I also like to go around and change the height on everyone’s chairs …. sometimes, it’s the little things.

    • Hahaha, changing the chairs. That’s truly brilliant. I have about 50 songs on my iphone and it’s tiny little speaker, but it was enough to drown out the modern pop they play on the speaker system in the ceiling. But I was busy enough during that last hour that I all I really had time for was “The Voice” by The Moody Blues. Which seemed kind of fitting, considering my mood. “Each and every rising sun, is greeted by, a lonely one.”

  2. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other sucks more than anyone around could possibly know. I feel your pain, the only thing to do is to keep going until it lifts and you can breathe again.

    • Thanks. I get to do a good therapy session tomorrow, which should help to expunge a lot of the pent up feelings I have inside me. Thanks for your understanding and sympathy. It will pass.

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