The Last Night On Earth

215 days ago I lost my whole life. I came out of the mental hospital at a zero point. No wife, no apartment, no job, nothing. Ever since that day, I’ve tried to advance the cause of my independent life by accumulating minor successes. I went to every single therapy session I had an appointment for. I joined 3 support groups and went to each until I got a job. I met with my psychiatrist and diligently took my meds, every morning and every night. I tried to keep a positive outlook on things, never giving in to depression, never compromising my health. I became the top priority of my life. And tonight is my last night in the awning room. After tonight, I will have my own apartment, a bed, a real roof, and the confidence of having conducted my journey to this final day. Purgatory over.

Something critically important to my development has been the love and support of my parents. Though I am largely not understood or explored as a person, their willingness to help me get my life back has literally been the shelter by which my life regrew. And I would be NOWHERE without them. They have never given up on me, no matter the circumstances. I’m so eternally grateful for them. I can’t articulate my gratitude. It’s just huge.

So blog. After 215 days of living in a 6 foot wide tent, I’m finally out. I’m back. And I’ve had such an amazing journey, full of seemingly trivial but incremental successes. I’ve learned through all of this about how to take care of myself. How to enjoy my life fully. How to slow down and be mindful. I’ve tried to keep a regular correspondence here, and again, this blog has taken me every step of the process. From that post the day I went to the hospital, and nearly every day since. It’s all there. Plain to see.

I know now that my happiness can’t be dependent on another person, or subsist off the energy of a relationship. The core of understanding is acceptance and an open embrace of personal responsibility. These founding principles lead to happiness, because they are not derived from a delusion, a false understanding, or an act of deceit. My feelings are real. My heart is open, and I’m ready for tomorrow. Big day. Lots to do. Goodnight, and when you hear from me next, it will be from my new home. Be well.

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