Standing Here

Since today is colonization genocide day, people aren’t calling in very often because they think we’re closed. At what is supposed to be the halfway mark of the day, I’m only at 14 calls. I got involved in an unfriendly email exchange with my uncle Phil, who is a genuine narcissist, in which I basically told him I was still mad about the debacle that was his personal fantasy football league. You remember, the one he disbanded over people complaining about his unfair leadership? Well striking up a casual conversation with me did not yield any fruit, though he had no difficulty telling me why my feelings on the matter are irrelevant and that he was right all along. It put me off, needless to say. And resulted in a permanent ignore, lest I make the foolish mistake of becoming emotionally instigated to reply. I don’t have anything constructive to say.

Well that kind of put my mood into a rut, but no matter. The Chargers eeked out a victory in Oakland agains the hated Raiders, which will almost certainly make me smile. And Frank Gore being worth more than 6 fantasy points will put me at 2-0 for the first time since week 1. Hopeful that nothing goes seriously wrong with the 49ers offense, but damn near anything is possible.

Blog, I’m sorta down today, and feeling a lot of heavy emotions. I’m going to be fine, but everything I do today seems just a little harder. I know I have good things coming down the pipe, and stability in my long term future. But am I overflowing with happiness? I write that, but I don’t even really expect anything like it. In fact, it might raise more caution than incite joy. I’m not out here expecting to be giddy and in love. I’m not even sure about making friends, even though I took a big step in that direction over the weekend. Things are moving along. But you know me… I’m usually contending with some emotional uprising. My uncle being such an arrogant asshole doesn’t help. Of course it’s my fault he ruined the league for everyone that year, I mean, duh.

**Update @ 3:17 pm**

It hasn’t gotten much better in there. It’s dead. And the incessant creep of boredom is present, subdued only by the unfortunate ramblings of the “cool kids.” I think they are sure they are so very cool, and they have one-dimensional conversations and go on about the stupidest subject matter. One day it was people eating monkey brains in foreign restaurants, today, its water-boarding and torture as a fun thing to laugh about. Oh joy. So this is likely my final post for the day. I’ll be watching football tonight and doing my best to hold myself together. Things are hard, on occasion. But not as bad as they have been in the past, and subsequently, improving. That, I can grab on to.

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