This was just what I needed today: a good uninterrupted block of relaxation time. I think the Geodon drowsiness can be countered with caffeine in timed doses. Too much and the whole thing goes the other way back into sleepiness again.
So I have been thinking about time, and how much of it has passed and how things have changed. From March 3rd 2014 (the day I attempted suicide) to Saturday October 25th, 237 days have passed. Here are some of the events that took place during that time:
On April 4th (day 33) I moved out of my apartment in La Mesa and started living in a shelter surrounding the awning of my parent’s RV.
On May 20th (day 79) I filed my divorce.
On July 23rd (day 143) I was hired as a temp to work at Mood Media.
On October 4th (day 216) I moved in to my own apartment.
On October 20th (day 232) I got a pay increase which will guarantee my independence and financial stability for the foreseeable future.
It’s taken a while, but there is no doubt I’ve come a long way from that lowest of low points. I literally had nothing, not even walls, a roof or a bed. I stayed true to the goal of rebuilding; to not let failure be the thing that would dictate my life. I will not be defined by my mistakes. I will learn from them, gather up what’s left, and move forward. I have not taken steps backward, I have gained ground each and every day. And I will continue to do so.
In that time, I went to every psychologist and psychiatrist appointment, went to groups 3 times a week until I got a full time job, and I never stopped writing.
I hope this place continues to be a very real and accurate record keeper for the ongoing project that is rebuilding my life. Thanks for being here while it all happened. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you.