So hello again from yet another workday morning. I’ve found it increasingly hard to get rolling first thing in the morning. For whatever reason, I’m hopelessly groggy and have a difficult time getting going. I get more than enough sleep. It seems I’m just not able to pop right up and rock it like I used to. No matter.
I’m going over to my Uncle’s house tonight to watch some Thursday Night Football, as my plans to go help trick-or-treat with the kids got called off due to their early bedtimes and my late shift at work. So scrub that plan, go with this new one.
As for the self check in, I’m doing fine. I have a couple of days left at the office, but will be free for Sunday. Emotionally, I can’t complain. The meds are doing what they’re supposed to, which is to keep my neurochemestry in order. The mental part is up to me. And this new policy of not looking back has helped me cope. There’s a lot of temptation to go back and relive the trauma of my past, or beat myself down over my mistakes. I know in my heart I could have been better to Jax. However, I don’t think I really liked her after I got to know her. I should have just told her that but I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to being introspective about love. I just lose my head in new relationships. Like, detached from my body and rolling some distance away. So a lot of this mess is on me. And there’s nothing left to do with it but learn a hard lesson and go onward.
Part of The Lone Bull Project was to be deeply introspective, and gain a better understanding of the practice of mindfulness. My therapist Margaret is especially proud of how I’ve handled this difficult concept. I find it most useful (oddly enough) when I’m driving. People get so apeshit over being in their little cars, that they endanger themselves and others with reckless behavior. I slow everything down, have a good look at all that’s going on around me, and exercise patience when possible. I let cheaters cut in the offramp line, because they stop in the right lane trying to get in and cars not trying to leave the freeway could easily smash into them. I give people a wide berth, never following close at speed. I am constantly checking my blind spot for tiny cars or motorcycles. It’s dangerous out there, but mindfulness helps me slow everything down. It’s truly awesome.
So have a great day blog. Things are going to be wild and crazy at work for the rest of the way, for sure.
**UPDATE 12:15 pm**
Still a ways to go, and I’ve got actual meetings to attend today. For us new hires. And the band is still yet to come by blasting their tunes. Not sure how they’re even going to fit a whole band in the “so called” large conference room. Exciting. But I’m doing swell and things have been pretty busy. So time goes by. See you later.
**UPDATE 2:00 pm**
So “Wild Party” came and played at our office, and it was rockin’. They even brought a drum set. Right? It’s all pretty insane, and they only played 3 songs, but a welcome distraction. For sure. And now, a new hire meeting for the next two hours. Yarf.
**UPDATE 3:15 pm**
Holy crap that benefits conference call sucked my brain out. But I already know I’m getting the “top of the line” plan because I’m just positive I’ll be using it all the damn time. I want to have frequent therapy, and semi regular psychiatry visits to keep my brain doing what it should. Plus I’ll be enrolling in the 401k as I have every intention to remain at Mood for the long term. I mean, the job isn’t getting harder, my level of understanding being the only thing that will need to grow over time. And a general familiarity with the policies and procedures involved in this job. It’s not like work has been before, either dependent on commission or fluctuating hours. This is as locked in as it gets for me, and the rewards pay out over time. I also get up to 20 paid days off a year, and 2 paid floating holidays. Though I only get 1 this year and I have to use it in December. I know this is truly compelling subject matter. But I’m excited to be in a serious job with great rewards and coverages for all the wrinkles of life. It’s an excellent time, and I’m feeling more stable, safe and secure as time goes by. Thanks for being here too.