Well blog, it doesn’t take much to make me happy. Clearly. I find joy in the passive reassurance that my life is stable and set-up for a long run. If you had been on the roller coaster ride I have been on for the last few years, you just might see my enthusiasm differently. Personally, I find my fulfillment comes from consecutive acts of normalcy; to be free of a world bound to unpredictable change. Like so many of my past relationships, which tied me to the crucible of someone else’s prerogative (or mood), I have finally taken the liberating step towards establishing safety for the first time in a good long while.
So my heart is saying: hey, aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want somebody to love? Don’t you NEED somebody to love?
But to be honest, I’m not really interested in it. I’ve had so many consecutive bad experiences with others (and with myself going through the changes that love brings on), that I’m inclined to stay away from it altogether. I mean, I don’t hold it against my ex for going out and finding love again. I’m just not even on that page in the story. My needs have surpassed what love can offer, and my desires are not inclined towards needing love back in my life to feel complete. Love has made me feel fractured and out of place, not reassured and whole. With a mountain of evidence suggesting I steer clear of relationships, I’ve only done what is logical in this regard. It is not my mission to replace Jax in my life with someone else. It is not even necessary to replace anything in the first place. We’re two people in vastly different chapters of the life-story. There is no way or reason to compare the two.
So today is another silly day. It’s Halloween, a truly pointless and unrewarding holiday, and I’m just glad for the ongoing distraction from the regular grind of work. I go back in for training tomorrow at 8 am, and we’re learning three new drive-thru systems that Mood now supports. It should be no big thing. I’m good with the learning. So have a great candy day, or indulgence day or whatever we’re calling it. Be well.
**UPDATE 12:15 pm**
It’s a mad house in there today. Between people running back and forth with food, laughing and little kids walking around asking for candy, it’s a wonder I’ve even done work today. And it’s just silly. I already had some tasty food, and have this little break to relax from the insanity of my workplace. Pretty funny though. How often can one say that their work comes to a grinding productivity halt on Halloween of all days. I can’t even imagine what Christmas is like at Mood. Just bonkers. So I hope your day is going well. Mine sure is, and with a flair for the bizarre.
**UPDATE 3:15 pm**
Deserted. Most people have gone home, or are barely involved in work. I’m starting to go a little bananas over not having much to do. I handle like 2 billing calls every 45 minutes. And they typically only last for a few minutes. So this will be a long afternoon. A long, numbing, boring afternoon. Le sigh.