Saving Daylight

We got rain for the first time in months, which caused my truck to look like the tree I park under threw up on it. It’s been a chilly day, quite a refreshing change from the monotony of the eternal summer of the desert southwest. I was at work for 4 hours today learning about a new drive thru system we support. The last real item on my “to do” list is to go shopping tomorrow morning before the early games kick off. Everything else is done. Including two rounds of dishes and laundry. Rad.

Sasha’s post about her past got me thinking about my own. I wondered about maybe going back to mine, and sharing some details of my failed marriage to Jax. But then, I got to thinking that none of those thoughts were either on my mind, or bothering me at all. I mean, I suppose I could go dig something up, but I have no reason to. That whole quadrant is concluded, with no future leading to it, or from it. So I guess there’s not anything there that has an impact on anything I’m doing now. Which is the way it aught to be. My mistake-riddled past is dead and gone. It doesn’t hold me back; it doesn’t propel me forward to go over it. I may still have lingering sadness because of it, but this isn’t a deciding factor in my fate as a person.

I really did have months and months to process any residual issues, and the evidence of that truly turbulent trial is here on this blog for all to see. Starting March 3rd, and continuing forward to now. I fought with my ex rather viciously for a time, then got sad and distressed, then those feelings died away leaving me to put something back in their place. I filled myself back up with accomplishments, pride, progress and strength. It’s not easy to do any of that, but it was fundamentally necessary if I was ever going to detach from my anguish and trudge on.

I feel like I can share my past if I needed to. But for right now at least, I’m of the mind that I’m better looking forward then behind. I’m a being of change, and I know from my own personal experiences, that I gain nothing by reliving the mistakes of my past. They are not my future. And to be honest, I have enough new things to think about and manage. I don’t need my energy and attention divided over something that will never change no matter how many times I poke at it. What’s written is and always will be.

With that said, I’m doing fine. Had a chat with my parents; they’re in central California currently and doing swell. They got a better rainstorm than I did, being a few hundred miles north of here. I was actually on the 8 today getting off at the 125 south to head home after my car wash, and I got to thinking: “I should scoot out to El Cajon and say hi.” But then I remembered they weren’t out there anymore. I’m glad they are having an adventure. I kept them tied down to one location for the better part of a year, and they never complained or hurried the process. They just stood by and helped me get my life back. I owe them more than I can ever repay.

So life is meandering along. I want to sleep in tomorrow and not wake up even before my alarm goes off. I have a terrible habit of doing that. Plus, Will is going to call me tonight on Skype and we are to have with the chatting. Very nice.

Have a good Saturday. I’ll be checking in at some point tomorrow. Bai.

**UPDATE 7:00 pm**

Snuggy mode achieved. My feet are kinda cold and clammy. Bleh. I just ate a food and now I think it is time to zzzz. But before I do, I just want to give a quick shout out to my boy Will, who is currently trying to get his life rolling in Portland, OR. even though he is far away (1091 miles to be exact) I wish him nothing but the best. He and Sandra are trying to have a life together and they’re totally doing it. She already got a job up there and everything. So I have good thoughts headed their way. I’m probably not going to see him again for a long time, as my truck will not be making that journey. But it’s pretty cool that there’s only 1 freeway (interstate 5) that connects his town and my town. Just hop on the freeway and drive for 17 hours. I just had a Skype call with him and I’m very proud of my entrepreneurial friend and his partner. I hope they make it.