I’m struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. My internal sensor, which seems to be pretty accurate, is telling me my brain battery is not recharging normally. I feel utterly drained. I know that today will be another long and tiring affair, with my presence at work again required on Saturday.
I am planning on going to see my friend Jacqueline on Saturday at a holiday craft fair in the afternoon (after I’m done at work). So I’m trying to fill my time with interesting activities, rather than be stuck at home with nothing to do.
I’m a few minutes from my appointment with Dr. Judge. I’m looking forward to explaining my problem and seeing what solution there might be. Is my antidepressant not working well enough? Should we increase the Geodon? I’m not sure what the answers will be, but something needs to be done, for sure. So change in this department should lead to my life becoming less arduous again.
I’ve started an email correspondence with Sasha, who has been very helpful in my feeling less alone. I hope that we can continue to talk, as this is rewarding for me on many levels. It’s these kinds of interactions, I find, that lead to sustainable friendships. Just the act of expression, and a response in comprehension or recognition is a great reward.
I’m so tired though. Just writing this has been exhausting. I am trying to be coherent but I doubt that I have done a decent job at that. My mind is a jumbled mess. But this is what I intended to use this blog for: an unfiltered look at my daily tribulations. I’m still figuring my life out, slowly but surely. I’m in need of help along the way. So here we are at the doctor’s office doing just that.
**UPDATE 9:30 am**
I’m not going in. This is likely the onset of the depression portion of the bipolar disorder, and we are taking new, radical steps to treat the symptoms. I’m going to be taking Lithium again which should really help me succeed in managing these symptoms. I will also be on a new dose of the Welbutrin and I will be taking it at two different times during the day. I’m hopeful this new approach will address the onset of my depression. Oh, and we’re going to eventually phase out the Geodon entirely. New meds new meds move down move down. As the Mad Hatter might say.
So I have a headache and I’m waiting in the pharmacy to get my meds. This will be a turning point for me. I hope.