Good Season

I know most of the United States is suffering exceptionally cold weather, but on the west side of that pesky jet stream, it’s temperate and wonderful. The high today will approach 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and dip down to 56 or so at night. I slept in my apartment with my windows open and fan on. Try doing that in Billings, or Minneapolis. I take it for granted, but this part of the country has (undoubtedly) the best weather in the US save Hawaii.

So I’m truly sorry if you live in one of those places being deeply affected by that Baring Sea superstorm. It’s not my fault.

More to the point, this winter is going to be all about me doing good things for myself. My last post, where I was commenting on an internal struggle to avoid negative actions, I would like to keep that trend alive all winter, a season that has historically led to a depressive cycle. By the time I came out of winter last year, I was worn down to a nub, overweight and eating poorly, disillusioned by my failing relationship and eventually, surrendering to sadness. It didn’t help matters much that my SSNRI failed to provide any benefits after having been on it for close to a year. Like the Cymbalta before it, Effexor essentially quit on me in my time of greatest need. So I plummeted to the point of annihilating my relationship and trying to get the police to shoot me with their guns.

In this iteration of the life I lead, I’m headed into winter with better spirits and better health than ever before. It would take some focused acts of destruction to derail me from my track. I still have the ability to go back and look at what I was doing that helped lead me to that place of near suicide. I know what the warning signs are, and I’m keenly aware of what things I must avoid. I’ve learned a lot since March, and I won’t let those observations go to waste.

I appreciate your attention, readers. You, whether you actually read all the insane things I post here, you show me by your presence that I am not off base or just spouting lies to further the cause of my delusion. Who wants to read that?

I’m aware of the therapeutic value of being honest, and I think that shows in the feedback I do receive. So your presence is felt and appreciated. I thank you for that. Truly. Be safe my friends. Stay hungry. Get after it, and don’t let go of hope.

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