The Experiment Of Loneliness

When I get to being alone for a good long while, I used to think very negative thoughts. Boredom would lead to listlessness which would make way for worse things. After having been relatively isolated all day, I am glad to find I have not perished to this downward progression. In fact, I seem to be doing just fine. I’ve had my moments of feeling bored, but nothing is nagging at me attempting to perturb my mental state. I have adequately occupied myself today, and even harbor a sense of accomplishment as the responsibilities I set out to achieve were done. For a sick person, I did quite a bit.

As I write this, a venture a look back on a couple of weeks ago, and the struggles I was having with my downtime. It was acceptable to rely on the crutches of social interaction and family, as these helped keep me out of a depressed place. What I am really hoping for is the ability to stand on my own without crutches at all, if need be. This weekend is a huge step forward in that department. I am gaining the necessary confidence that I can just be with myself, and not go crazy with depression. I haven’t avoided it with distractions, as there were vast stretches of the day where I just sat and did nothing. It was a test. I am attempting to ascertain if my baseline mental state is depressed, or something else. The test will continue tomorrow as I will not be going out and doing anything for the entire day. I just want to see if I can hold up, with only myself to hold accountable. It will be an interesting experiment, one that has begun to indicate a result after today’s progress.

On the logistical side, I’m still sick, and I really shouldn’t be going over to anyone’s house and spreading my germs. All the more reason to huddle up in front of my tv and vegetate. I’m going to be back at near 100% come Monday, and ready for whatever may come. I’m quite happy with what I have learned and gained so far. Hopefully more good news tomorrow.

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