I had another good therapy session with Margaret. I expressed that while I was temporarily engaged in a solo rebuilding project, I know that eventually I will want companionship. This is a fairly radical shift in my stance. I was also clear about my awareness of the dangers involved in this want. I’ve been blinded by passion and lust before, and all the while, the relationship was rotting away underneath my feet. I have been willing to compromise my core beliefs before because I thought: she’ll change, and everything will work out. I’ve been guilty of far more absurd lines of thinking in relationships. But not anymore. I’ve learned a few things from my failures, and I know better than to stuff my dismay and proceed anyway. I would need to meet a truly rare individual, someone who conforms to a substantive list of requirements. I kinda have to be this picky; I’ve floundered miserably with past decisions, and I have no desire to repeat the same mistakes.

I’m not planning on dating anyone for a good long while. I need to harvest consistency and flourish in stability. I would be likely to jeopardize everything if I became enmeshed now. It’s a trial I know I will go through again, but I have no rush. I need plenty of time to think this out before acting.

Work was busy today as several people were training others on Mbox troubleshooting. So there were fewer of us around to take incoming calls. It was supposed to be my break from the billing queue, but I ended up taking 29 calls anyway because we were short handed. They announced that there will be a new report that comes out in which people who don’t put their orders in correctly will be identified and asked to correct their transgressions. I haven’t had a kickback from order review in ages. I know my name will not be on that list when it comes out. Billing on the other hand… monkey fuck-fest. I got the word from Mike that I will be the lead on training people to do billing, which I am excited and nervous about. There are really only a few things that one needs to know how to do consistently, like reprinting invoices or taking payments. That’s all pretty self explanatory. It’s the ones that have murky issues that get me. Or the ones that clearly need to speak to their account manager (who will not answer their phone). Those ones bug me because they hardly ever end in a resolution that I hear about. It vanishes into cyberspace and I never know what actually happened. That is frustrating for a fixer like me. I can’t fix that, I just have to hand the ball off and hope for the best.

My parents are coming over tomorrow night to watch football and make dinner. That should be fun. They will get here before I even get off work, and will be waiting for me when I get home. Rad.

I’ve got lots of things on my brain. I hope you can find some tranquility, as I intend to.

4 thoughts on “Affirmations

  1. Congrats on training people to do billing. That’s awesome!! You must be great at it.

    & family + football = greatness. What are you going to make them for dinner?

    • Actually, they will be cooking for me! I dont get home from work until 6:30 pm and they will have been there since before the game starts at 5:30. I have no idea what they have planned, but my food supply is pretty bare-bones at this point. I eat (nearly) the same things every day, maybe 4 different food choices total. I would have zero things to cook for them if it were on me to provide the food. I don’t need food to taste great or be different all the time. I really actually don’t enjoy eating all that much. I know I need to provide my body with fuel, but even if it is utterly boring and the same every day, I don’t mind. I eat because I have to in order to survive.

      Thanks for the comment. I’m glad they have asked me to do the billing training, I know that I will excel as a teacher. It’s what I wanted to do when I was in college (english degree with aspirations to teach at the high school level). Anyway, I’m happy about it. Have a great night!

      • I love to cook and bake.

        I was majoring in elementary education until I switched to nursing my junior year. It was definitely the right switch for me.

      • I may not have the kitchen skills, but I’m deadly on the bbq. It’s hard to fo that in the winter with the sun going down at 4:41 pm and the temp dropping rapidly. But I still do it. Nothing beats that fire-cooked flavor.

        I’m glad you found the right path. I was pressured by my partner to be a teacher, and I guess I didn’t want it that bad in the end. I was way better at fixing computers than teaching english. Ha. It’s funny where life ends up taking us. We wander down roads we never thought we’d end up on, but are usually glad we did.

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