I try to keep things realistic in my life. I’ve been down the road of pretending everything was rad when it actually was not, and that lie eventually dries up and creates a catastrophe. So I might be a tad more boring than most, and not base my prosperity on radically inaccurate conceptualizations of my situation… but I do feel like I have a good handle on my existence for the first time in many years, as a result of my diligence.
I do a great sum of internal thinking, asking myself tough questions, and not avoiding the real world implications. It took lots of small steps to earn the position I am in now, and I have not forgotten that fact now that I have arrived at stability. I don’t take it for granted like I used to, or feel dependent on anyone else for any reason. I’m standing alone, and very much in touch with reality.
I admit to sometimes vacationing in dreamland, but a sojourn only. I reminisce and yearn, but these feelings are a part of the full spectrum of life, and not to be relegated to obscurity or forgotten. They are important too, even if they are misguided and not useful. We humans have a multitude of responses to events in our lives, and if I generate a real feeling, I don’t pack it away for later or stuff it down into obscurity. I cope in real-time, and integrate reactions into the template of understanding. Negative or positive, they all get a fair shake.
The reason for this rant is to solidify my stance and independent strength as a person. I’m not deluding myself in this permutation of my life; I’m building a house of bricks rather than a house of cards. It takes WAY less time to make a house of cards, and it is more fun and not much work… but does it stand the test of time and weather? If reality shifts into some unforeseen direction, will my house still stand upright? Building it out of brick is much harder and takes way longer, but the reward is strength of stability and the capability to endure storms of circumstance. I’ve done the easy thing in the past, and seen my whole world collapse. I’ve vowed not to repeat this mistake.
So blog, this post is really just another affirmation of my course and heading. I need to do this sometimes, because my world is mine alone to comprehend and sometimes I need to just “talk things out” so that I don’t go crazy. I value the work I have done to achieve the place I am in now. I will continue to reenforce positive things in my world, and respect the negatives when they arise, acknowledge their presence, and move forward. I hope you can see what a transformation I have undergone in the last few months, and appreciate the wisdom in my experiences. For what it’s worth.