Hey Santa

I’ve had that little Christmas jingle rolling around in my brain all afternoon… I know, aren’t I lucky? I’m wishing with all my might that another Christmas song will get stuck in there so I don’t have to listen to Hey Santa anymore.

Tonight was casual dinner at my evil grandparent’s house with all the dysfunctional family in tow. My grandma (who is slowly but surely losing her grip on reality) had to interrupt the conversation about Cuban cigars to tell us all about some cigar-related trauma she had experienced, then proceeded to sob uncontrollably as we all pondered what new insane thing would happen next. My scuzzy aunt Renee kept trying to get me to sneak off with her and smoke some dope. But I don’t like her at all, and don’t want to do that with her. Then later she redeemed herself by giving me a can of cranberry sauce. Divine! I have a demented love for the stuff and eat it greedily with a spoon from its original container. But then later she tried to give me a doobie even though I told her that I did not smoke at my house, as this puts my occupation in jeopardy by violating my rental agreement. So I turned her down and drove myself home. That side of the family (my mom’s) is abusive, deceitful, violent and awkward. They have a long history of abusing my mom, but she really dotes on them all like they were royalty or something. I don’t quite understand her continued interest in them. They are generally not nice and lately have been bordering on crazy. So I got there at about 6:15 and hung out for an hour and 15 minutes before the gathering began to collapse and I too jumped ship. It was like being exposed to radioactive waste, but only for a little while.

Today at work was mind-numbingly slow. I took 7 total calls today. Seven? I usually take upwards of 30, so this was a dramatic change in business and an invitation to (seemingly) unending boredom. As a result of having very little to do, I got some annoying Christmas music stuck in my head and also read about every fantasy football article I could find. I was able to handle my responsibilities, and by the end of my shift, it was just Kaiser and I in the entire building. He said he knew how to lock up and declined my offer for help in shutting down. Most everyone had an early day today. I’ve never been the only car left in the entire parking lot before. That was weird.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and we are closed. Queues are already in holiday mode, and no incoming calls will be answered. People should be gathered around trees and tearing through wrapping paper, not calling us about their drive thru being offline. Take a break once a year, I think you can handle that. Personally, I like to be with my family on Christmas. I generally want for nothing, so I don’t do gifts anymore. I can’t afford to be spending my limited resources on presents for other people. It seems silly to do so. I intend to stuff myself with cookies and sour cream cinnamon bread. Basically I’m going to derail the healthy train and go berserk. And why not? It’s Christmas. It happens once a year. It’s not the end of the world to eat some cookies.

I hope you have a good holiday wherever you choose to spend it. Merry Christmas blog. Happy holidays.

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