The Footsteps Of Rain

Stormy weather continues for us today, as the rain has been falling all night and the snow accumulating in the mountains. I would go drive out there and throw myself on it like I did last year, but I remember how bad it hurt when I landed on that rock and bruised my rib. Besides, there’s no one to share it with.

I’m doing better today. I had a nice long sleep and woke up in the cold, but ready to go. I shaved and used my new French press to make coffee, and it was delicious. Thick, frothy, warm, and tasty. I finished writing a post about a good Age Of Empires III game I had a few nights ago. When I was feeling depressed I deleted it and got discouraged about finishing it. I tend to shut-down when I get sad. I don’t reach out and I don’t have any desire to say much of anything. Sometimes I go through cycles: I feel good for a week or more, then dip down into depression for several days, then back out of it. If my downward journeys become long stays I know there is a problem, and I should start being proactive about correcting it. So far, I have only had to wait a few days and then I come back out of it again.

I think I’m just reeling from the long break and loads of family I had over the holidays. That whole thing was just so much fun. It was awesome to see all the kids running around smashing each other with those inflatable hammers my sister bought. And all the baby news from my cousins that are now expecting. I’m not really interested in having one, but other people having one is fine by me. I can play with their kids and not have any of the responsibility of raising them. Sweet!

It’s going to be another busy day today. People are calling in to pay their January bill, and have other issues that they put off until after Christmas, I suppose. I have been quite busy, really only letting up sometime after 4 pm. Most people on the east coast are done for the day, and will probably just call back the next day.

I’m here in my truck listening to the rain drops falling on my roof, and I’m happy. I don’t have any bad thoughts in my head right now, and I’m keeping a close watch on my feelings. Something that Feminine and Feline posted on her blog really hit home for me. The devastation of being forsaken by your lover, and the pain of a dying relationship. Yeah I totally get that. I just lived it, and basically still am living it. My heart is not done breaking yet, because I still loved her, even though she didn’t love me anymore. Sometimes I sit here in my solitude and wish I had her back. Or that there was something I could do to win her love. In truth, I know that being involved with Jax was more bad than good. I didn’t do enough research on her before combining my life with hers. I know she has moved on to a better place, and so have I. Wherever she is, I hope she has found happiness. I struggle, but that’s what life is about: the obstacles and the way we get through them. And so on.

**UPDATE 11:45 am**

So instead of busy it has been very slow. I have had under 10 calls all day so far. And a lot of guys are stepping out early to go home for the day. I’m going to stay until the end, as I need the income. And I’m one of 3 guys on after 5, so it’s kinda important that I stay. I would love to be able to get up high and look east at the snow-covered mountains, but there is no vista anywhere nearby. I was talking with Will earlier about the Edain mod, which we are both getting excited about. I’m also going to go see the third Hobbit movie tomorrow with my parents. Should be good.

Anyway, today is simply crawling. I have a short list of websites to visit as football season is over, and there’s no need to check those pages anymore. The bracket game is starting up, and at least in that contest I have done well. I have 4 victories, tied with my sister for the lead. I’d like to win this year and be all alone in first. A boy can dream.

So adieu for now. I should be around this evening for a New Year’s Eve post. But I won’t stay up to see it. I have a bedtime to keep.

**UPDATE 3:30 pm**

Just ridiculous how slow it is out there. Things are moving along at a molasses drip. I’m so bored, and have been reading various articles to keep myself occupied. I’ve handled one call in the last several hours. I really can’t wait to be home. I just want this boring day to be over. I’m not going to bail out early, but holy shit am I tempted.