Mode

34 calls today, most coming in the morning, was idle for stretches of 35 – 50 minutes at a time in the evening. The majority of my work today came in the form of contract exchanges: When the equipment used at drive thru restaurants breaks down (mainly headsets and order taking belt packs) they have an agreement with us that enables them to swap bad equipment for working (refurbished) equipment. Fry kitchens are not a good place to use technology, because everything in there is abused, bent, dropped, stepped on, and coated in a film of grease. So replacements are frequently needed, and that’s where I come in. I identify what type of gear they use, then record a serial number off it, and place that information into Oracle. The software platform we use has 32 distinct steps to get from my handwritten notes to an order that will be filled and shipped same day. That’s 32 things I’ve had to memorize how to do in the exact same sequence for countless error-free orders. If you make a mistake, somehow, someway, it’s going to come back at you. An angry customer will call in and complain that their order never arrived, or it was the wrong equipment, or incorrect quantity. It’s imperative even to do it right every time, a point totally lost on my peers. The error report came out again last Monday, and for the second week in a row I was not on it. As it should be.

In the morning I was occupied, but things drop off dramatically after 3:30 or so. The bulk of the agents go home, and the few that remain are usually more than enough to handle the diminished volume. I do a lot of reading online, needless to say. But I’m not upset or anything. I like my job, even if it is boring from time to time.

My mood was pretty low this morning, but has since picked up. I was thinking a lot about the fun I used to have with Jax. Dwelling on these things doesn’t usually get me very far. I don’t know why I do this. It may be that I am trying to move on but everything I remember about her acts like an abrasive to my still healing wound. It’s been nearly a year, and I’m still not quite out of it yet. That life I had back then; I thought that was it, the final and perfect permutation of my destiny. But what did I do but squander it? I foolishly kept into things without thinking, and then I let depression and relationship troubles erode away at the foundations. It was doomed to collapse, as all things will when neglected and left to their own devices. I have no one to blame but myself.

Life is funny in how it can basically destroy you, and then give you a chance to come back. I didn’t create opportunity, I just made use of it when it was offered. I did the best I could, and that really seems to have paid off.

I am feeling like my sexual motor is starting to rev up again. I’m frequently entertaining myself often with just my imagination. I have lots of sexy things I can think about. But what good does any of this do me? I’m not going to have a casual sex relationship. Not going to happen. I’ve been down that road before and it only leads to despair. But what to do? Really, there is nothing that can be done. It’s just a shame that I feel the urge and there won’t be an opportunity to un-urge for a long time. And when I do it will be quite anticlimactic, as my skills, stamina and tolerance threshold have all gone to shit since. It’s one of the many predicaments this solo life has presented me with. But one that can’t be thought out or reconciled. I just have to hope that the motor shits itself off again before it drives me insane.

I work tomorrow morning at 7:00 am until 3:30 pm and I don’t have anything planned. Sunday the rocks will come out of the tumblers and we will get our first look at 3 of 4 loads. They have already proven to have spectacular color and clarity. Moo and I were talking about going to Pala and trying out luck at one of the tourmaline mines, or perhaps the area around it. We would likely need permission from the Native American tribe that owns the land, so that might be a long shot to actually execute. But we could pay and go in and sift through the till of an existing mining operation. Maybe the included, imperfect tourmaline is of no value to them, but could be gold to us. So a rockhounding adventure potentially on the horizon. It will be good to see the stones. We’ve waited a month, and now it is time.

My parents moved their RV out of La Mesa and back to east El Cajon where they were back when I lived with them. Or rather, just outside them. I keep thinking back on those seven months during the spring and summer that I lived entirely outdoors. It was good timing that it happened before winter got here. Truly. I could never have lived out there the way I was with no insulation through the cold nights. I would have been suffering. But I found a place to live in late September and was moved in by October. Problem solved.

I tried on a pair of jeans I had worn back when I was still with Jax, and I found that without aid, I could not keep them on my body. I’m surely back near a 36 to 34 inch waist again, because those 38s I tried on were unwearable without a belt. They were like jumbo parachute pants made of denim. They were baggy around the thighs as well, which I remember was a problem last time I wore them because it was uncomfortable to store things in my pockets because they were so tight. Things have changed. Part of my Lone Bull Project goal has been met. Not the whole thing, but a good chunk. At my worst I must have weighed 285 or so, and now… I really have no idea. It’s less, that much I’m clear on. But how much? Beats me.

Have a good night blog. Happy Friday for you (but not for me since I work).