Respite’s End

My two day weekends will be a thing of the past from here on out, as I work each Saturday until the end of the month. The last two days have been good, with me getting a good deal of stuff done for my house as well as getting in some family time at my Uncle’s house. I actually went over there both Saturday and Sunday, as there were meaningful football games to watch on both days. I was at home watching them by myself but I was chatting with and texting my Uncle the whole time so he just invited me over again. It’s nice to share an activity like that with another passionate fan. So all in all, rewarding and fun. And my house is clean and stocked with food. I also got the tumblers going again, with four barrels full of new rock to be polished. I was kinda silly for setting them on a Saturday because I really should have waited for Sunday so that I would have more time to get them going. Now I will have to change them after work for the next three Saturdays. Which I guess is ok, but I could have waited. I was on such a roll though, I just wanted to keep working and getting things done. And I did handle quite a bit that first day off, leaving myself with nearly nothing to manage on my Sunday.

My mood is ok. I’m a bit low energy. I have that voice in my head telling me to go home, but I’m not really listening to him. His argument has no foundations. I’m perfectly capable of making money today, no reason to throw that away. Though that voice is persistent. He always wants me to fail at something I’m trying to do. And while I admit I’m below normal on the energy meter, it’s not enough to provoke me into taking action against myself. I am going to motor on through without delay, because that’s the thing I need to do right now. It’s my job to go out there and have a good day.

After having seen all three Hobbit movies in rapid succession, I started watching The Lord Of The Rings movies again. I downloaded the extended versions and have made it to the first third of The Two Towers. Those are some great movies, truly well done, if not spiced up with some creative interpretation of the lore. Aragorn never falls off a cliff and nearly dies. So on and so forth.

My shift is rapidly approaching. That voice is still bugging me, telling me to give up and go home. But why would I do that? I’m fine. I might be a tiny bit hungry and another part tired, but that’s no reason to just give up on the day. Is it? I don’t often have a keen sense of what my body needs or doesn’t need. Right now my fatigue is the thing that will limit my functionality, but I sense, not to a degree that would impede what I need to do. I guess it’s just the prevailing sadness of knowing that the break is over, and now I must go on a five day trudge through the world of work.

I’m going to be fine. I’m not listening to that voice, and away we go.

**UPDATE 12:30 pm**

I’m struggling with energy. And my concentration is totally shot. I’m not having a very accurate day. I feel like I’ve already made some mistakes. But I also kinda don’t care today. I guess it’s my poor attitude about the grind, which is an accurate way to describe my trials at work. I just want to go take a nap. But I also know that I never really nap and that the feeling of fatigue should fade as the day wears on. But to struggle so from the get go is upsetting. I’d rather be high energy and be able to handle my responsibilities, but instead I’m struggling to survive. Keeping my head above water will be the priority. However, managing that will take its toll on me.

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