Part of getting to know someone is the process of unpacking your past so that they can better understand your life and tribulations. I’m going through this with Amanda, and since I have so much mud on my shoes (so to speak) I’m nervous about it. What if she rejects me? Things are moving along so nicely, could the stark truth of my past bring an end to that?
It seems though, that we have more things in common than we do major differences of opinion and circumstance. We both had similar upbringings being someone with a mental illness being raised by someone (also) with a mental illness. We have both endured bullying at school, but hers because she was always the more mature “new kid” on the scene. Mine was just because I was truly different, odd, perplexing and random. And kids enjoy a general sense of conformity, which is what seems to be the norm for them. Anything outside the umbrella is ridiculed and hated, and so was I. I skipped 6th grade so that I could get away from those kids, and move on to a better circumstance with my peers in a new grade, new scene, new try.
But I’m still afraid that she will frown on me for having been divorced twice, but I’m also not going to hide the truth from her. Anything I build here must be forged on the anvil of honesty, and that is the driving goal behind all my actions in this regard. I do not want a repeat of the past, so what better a way to assure that than to make the past public knowledge? I can’t think of a way that spins me as doing the wrong thing here. If there is going to be any future between Amanda and I, it will have to be built on truth.
I’ll keep you updated as to the outcome of my reveal.
Outcome = understanding and honest acceptance. We continue to be very relatable to each other, and our conversation is becoming more real, and less experimental. We are connecting on some very fundamental levels. I’m really ecstatic about this. I’m headed in such a positive direction now, better than I have had in a long time.
**UPDATE 1:00 pm**
I’m feeling great today. Talking about hard stuff and being accepted despite that is really amazing. I feel a genuine connection to Amanda, one that gives me a lot of hope for the future. I don’t know where this road I’m walking will lead, but I am excited to be taking steps to help myself live a better life. One that I can feel proud of and comforted by. This world is hard and quite unforgiving at times. To have a genuine connection with someone willing to see who you are is quite extraordinary. I’m having fun with it, and everything we’ve shared so far leads me to believe more good things are lying in wait.