I’m glad to have something really uninhibitedly positive emanating from my life. This is the result of the application of a little proactive courage, as I have pushed myself to address the lonely place in my heart with some kind of action. I was having such a hard time tearing myself away from the sadness; a natural side-effect of extended isolation. Now, it’s not like I was suffering all the time or whatever. That’s not the case. I was doing fine, but not 100%. I knew my life was missing something, and friendship is the beginning of that gap being bridged. I could have proceeded with my life much the way it was, with me going to work and grinding for my pay and coming home to an empty, cold house every night. But that kind of life does not foster an escalation of happiness, instead, it presents me with a routine that I follow in order to stay alive. I yearn for something more than just stability.
This morning, I am drinking my coffee with a smile on my face. I am very pleased that tonight, after work, I will be meeting up with Amanda at Starbucks to give her the Diablo II battlechest I purchased for myself by mistake. I tried to cancel the order, but it had already been boxed and labeled for shipment, so there was no going back. It worked out well though: Amanda was going to have to go to a retail store to find it, and I doubt that would have ended in immediate success. The game has been out for more than 10 years… it’s not something you can just pull off the shelf of any old store and expect them to have it. Now, however, things are lined up. We will be gaming at night during the week and having fun slaughtering the endless minions of Diablo as they infest the realm of Sanctuary. To victory!
So I’ve got some things to look forward to. I’m not sure if we will be gaming tonight, because it will be close to bed-time before I get back to the house and eat dinner. We are also going to connect via Skype, which should be good. I will really enjoy having someone to talk to about game stuff.
Blog, I must be clear: I’m not thinking that this road will expedite my journey back to love, but rather, has presented me with a chance to get to know someone better, and relate to another human being on a deep level. I can’t say where this path goes, I mean, can I see the future now all of a sudden? I am open to whatever logical, healthy processes occur as a result of this interaction, but I don’t have any expectations, and I don’t have all of my eggs in one basket. If this goes away, I will still have the confidence I gained from starting this journey to find someone to be in my life, and that will not dissipate. I am sure that I can find a friend, even if Amanda (however optimistic I am about it) doesn’t fit into my life for whatever reason. I have been talking to myself over the last few days, so that I can be aware that there are possibilities for me regardless of what transpires between she and I. There is no reason for me to bet it all (again) on someone so early on into the interaction. Or at all, even if the thing does seem like a lock. I am not going to fall into the trap of setting myself up to repeat the same mistakes I have made in my past. I have grown and learned from that time, and I will be a better steward of my life.
Have a great day blog. I’m waling out the door with a grin from ear to ear. I can’t help but be happy right now. I have good feelings prancing about in my heart, and my sorrow is far away from the forefront of my mind. May your day be awesome!