I just went back in time to October 3rd 2012, and read my personal synopsis post, which was so very shocking. Back then, I really did hate myself. I had no pride, no escape from the mistakes of my past. The burden of my errors was smashing my mind to pieces. The post I read was dark, troubling, loaded with fury and seething with regret. I’m really surprised by it. I didn’t really recall it being so acutely bad. But clearly it was.
I reflect, because when I look at myself now, it’s truly amazing to see the full-scale transformation that I have undergone. I’m a man who is proud of who he chooses to be, not ashamed or otherwise mired in sadness. I am confident, assertive, charismatic, hilarious and honest. I sensed from my words that I was deep into depression and not able to grasp any sort of positive thought. I had no love for myself. The contrast between them and now is striking and noteworthy.
I see in this reflection a clear example of the dramatic change I have created for myself. I built this new life I lead from a place much like the one I wrote from more than two years ago. I have come so very far in that time. It shocks me to read those words I so vehemently spat onto the page. I was a troubled, unresolved, angry person back then.
So give it a look, if you dare. The words are laced with a deep internal rage, and unacknowledged loathing. Reader beware.