I had an opportunity presented to me at work over the last few days, of which I have already made mention. Today I finished the conversion spreadsheet. Not only that, I also documented each time where the agent who took the original exchange completely butchered the information collection process. These orders would have all been kicked back because they lacked every single piece of critical data they should have gleaned from the customers when taking the call. So of course Dominique had the most egregious errors, which doesn’t surprise me. He’s a fucking idiot. The others had one error or two, still not good, but less negligent. I handed that’s observations and the completed spreadsheet over to my bosses today, and was immediately thanked and acknowledged. I know they will be able to use that work I did, and now have a much clearer understanding of the status of our back orders.

I also took the initiative today and started working tickets in our web-based help request system, specifically, the ones that no one wanted to deal with and had been largely ignored for days or weeks. I hammered out four of them and am in process on another three. Which is a lot, considering that only two or three guys actually do them, and maybe one a day. Not seven. And my boss Don recognized me already for that, but I wasn’t about to stop applying myself after eating my cookie. Praise or no praise, I’m going to make sure I spend my spare moments during the peak hours on a task, only to be interrupted by an incoming call (which takes priority). I’m pushing myself to not only do what is asked of me, but to do something more than the expected. I’m a mentally ill guy, and for me, this is a matter of pride. Will I live up to my handicap, or will I work THAT much harder to show them all that this disability can’t keep me down? The rest of those guys have normal brains, and I intend to do what they can do, plus 4 times more. I’m better than them, handicapped or not. That’s how I show myself that even a severely ill person can still live a life that I can feel proud of.

And I’m humble. I would never flaunt any of my achievements at work, nor call attention to myself. I lead by example only, and I gain no satisfaction from boasting. I have dignity, and I respect the qualities of humility and politeness. If you really walk the walk, you don’t need to go telling everyone what you did. They can see plain enough what I’m about. So today I feel especially good about my work ethic and sense of self. I have earned a figurative gold star beside my name, and that is quality satisfaction that money can’t buy.

I have been missing Amanda. I’m feeling many positive things for her, and I am making the best of our fractured and infrequent ability to communicate. I am still talking to her quite a bit, but my heart aches for her. I can’t wait until I get to hold her again. This is a test of my self control, and so far, it has been difficult to contain these fledgling emotions I have inside me. New relationships have an energy that is impossible to replicate; they burn with the white-hot fire of 1000 suns. I’m looking down the road, to all the time I plan to spend with her and Tristan. The present moment being arduous, my sense of hope overrides everything with the intention of spending many more days with her than these few without her. It’s hard to direct my mind away from the warm glow of these new feelings, but I know this is only the beginning of a great new adventure. All good things come to those who wait.

Tonight I must retire rapidly. My wake up call will sound much earlier than during the week, as my shift starts two hours sooner. So farewell. More words to come.