I have been keeping a numerical value that represents an average between measurable levels of energy and emotional health. The scale goes form +10 (mania) to -10 (suicidal depression) because I’m bipolar and can swing either way. So it is wise of me to keep track of variations in the mood and demeanor. Don’t I have to be? After all the mistakes I’ve made, you’d think I’d be taking it seriously this time. Well I am, and I hope that by learning and observing I can gain some form of understanding about myself. That is the hope.
Today was an uneventful day in work land. I did what I always do, and I kept my head down. I was really looking forward to getting off work and spending my evening with Amanda. That girl makes me so happy. I want to embrace her into my life, to be my friend and confidant, my companion. If we can look out for each other, and forward the cause of living a healthy, happy lifestyle, I see no reason why we couldn’t go far. We can help each other when we’re down, and relish the joy of being up. There are many possibilities available at this time. The future is uncertain at best.
I know that people do better when they pair up and become a team. It has always been my hope that I would find that. I have struggled to achieve it my whole life. To trust and love with loyalty and conviction. To have the assurance of not being abandoned when the going got tough. To hold hands despite the pain. We can get through this. Together.
Amanda and I are just starting out. We have a long time to watch each other grow with time. She will come to see how steady and confidant I am, and I will learn who she is. And we shall make happy memories.
Have a good night blog.
My pdoc is always telling me to graph my moods. He would LOVE you! http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/
Haha, thanks. I think it’s useful for someone with a history of instability.
Oh, it totally is. I just go 1-10. I’m usually a 5 or 6. Blah:)
Well that’s normal. You should be in the middle somewhere. That’s all we can hope for, the better side of center. As long as you can hold steady, you will be giving yourself the best chance to succeed. My scale is more detailed and has a broader range because my moods can go to extremes.
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