It’s Monday, and things were busy at work but I was not totally inundated with tasks. I didn’t check my log, but it felt like a 20 – 25 call day. I had some time to fart around the internet and read some stuff about the Edain mod. The best part of my shift was being able to talk to Amanda and help her through a really bad anxiety attack and subsequent emotional turmoil. I mean, it’s not like I can fix anything and make the anxiety go away, but I can help understand, listen and suggest logical thought-processes that might help lessen the momentum of some anxiety-driven arguments. The mind has the ability to pulverize itself with dread, but the same capacity to liberate itself from fear and worry. Nothing is going to take the physical anxiety symptoms away, no matter how logistical thoughts become. I realize these things, but I feel like I was able to be there for her today, while I addressed my pacified responsibilities at work. It felt like a good connection.
I went over to her place tonight, at the start of the week with her son. We all sat around and I made some steaks, which we had to eat without side dishes because all the salad was rotten and SOMEONE ate the rice for lunch. Anyway, it was really nice holding Amanda and sitting on the couch talking about our plans for the future. It’s looking more and more like a shared living situation will be our path, sometime in the next few months. We want to get Amanda’s art show in the rear view mirror before taking any action, because of the financial burden and available time. But we could easily afford a house, with all the amenities, and be able to come home to each other. It’s a great plan, because I love her, and I want to spend my time being with her. It feels good, and she makes me very happy. Her son could use a familiar house and family unit to grow up with too.
So we discussed, and looked at options. It’s something we want to do, but obviously aren’t ready to do yet. It’s a pleasant thought, to be with her that way.
So today was medium. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Hoorah.