I have been doing better, not great, but better. Stopping my daily use of cannabis has been difficult. It only adds to the tumult of these recent days of struggle. I made it through my entire shift today without leaving early, and I solved a lot of big issues today. I wanted to come home and smoke very badly, but I did not, and I have been trying to preoccupy myself with other things so I don’t think about getting high to feel good after work. I had been using the cannabis to unwind from my high-paced stressful job, but that was dependency, and not a healthy thing. Amanda and I agreed that I should be able to stop for at least a month, and I think I can do that. It’s been 4 days.
I’m trying to hunker-down and get through my week. Things at work have been both revealing and ugly, positive and regretful. My depression has been improving slightly as the days go by, and the Lithium certainly hasn’t taken effect yet. I think if I’m stable and functional by Monday, I can exit crisis mode. I’m going to be ok. Hold the line.