Exposure Therapy

I guess being out while depressed is somewhat better than being trapped at home alone with my symptoms. When I’m by myself, I tend to spiral inward until surrounded by darkness. So I didn’t really want that to happen, leaving me with tonight’s social gathering to attend instead. Amanda’s sister Kathy is in town from Idaho until Thursday, and we have been spending every available minute with her. Dinner tonight was a much bigger ordeal than I expected, with 10 people on hand. I like these people, but feeling the way I was and having to mingle with them was hard. I didn’t say very much, but I wasn’t silent. I forced myself to engage, to laugh and seem excited. I smiled and played the part, even if my thoughts were an absolute mess. I did it. I did not cave in and seal myself up in the apartment and surrender my evening. I don’t want to lose more time to this illness if I don’t have to. There are going to be times where I will not be able to push through it the way I did tonight. This is an inevitable certainty of my disorder. But I did not abandon this evening. And now that I have arrived in my bed, I can drift away and start this thing over tomorrow with a new outlook (hopefully). The reset button will be pushed. 

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