My moods have been pretty unstable lately, but I am trying not to let it cost me any more time at work. today, however, was a good step forward. I handled my responsibilities and had enough energy left over to be charismatic with Amanda’s family in the evening. We said goodbye to Kathy, who is headed back to Idaho perhaps for another two years or more. Life will return to its regularly scheduled programming.
I had a good session with my therapist Margaret today. She thinks I am being very emotionally aware of myself (and my limitations) during my bouts with depression recently. I have been conscientious about not reacting to “flash in the pan” type sensations, and allowing myself time to rationalize them. I have lots of really absurd feelings right now, and they originate not from a place of thought, but are more of an involuntary brain spasm. I don’t let those types of things have the ability to command my actions.
Margaret also gave me some anxiety-reducing strategy documents which are designed to help people in a crisis find their way to relief. Some of the exercises seem legit, and definitely worth a try. I’ve been having an anxiety attack ever couple of days after work and I could use a way to cope with the symptoms. I didn’t have one today, but I also felt much more in control of things. I know my battery had been filling to 40% or so overnight, but I would burn through the charge by about 10 am or so. Today when I woke up my battery was more like 90%, with nearly 35% left over at the end of the day, which was a great feeling. I feel alive again, rejuvenated.
I’m going to be ok.