Score: +3

We took the boy to Aquatica (a SeaWorld water park) today, which was good overall. He’s only 5 and short for his age so there were really only two places we could go. And he’s afraid of slides. But he had a blast in the wave pool and in the relaxation river. We stayed until he was exhausted and purple in the lips. 

I have had a good weekend. Things are always a little crazier when Tristan is here, but that’s to be expected. 

This has caused a tangential thought process in that I have been pondering a vasectomy. I’m thoroughly convinced I don’t want to accidentally create a new person, and one that is sure to be mentally ill. When I think about the torment this illness has put me through, and the contradictory, self-serving act that making a new child would be, I wonder why I haven’t had the procedure already. I don’t have some need to create my own offspring. The world is insanely overpopulated, and on a collision course with our planet’s carrying capacity. I’m not about to go adding to that problem, and banishing someone I’m supposed to love to a life of misery. Is all life important? In most cases. But is it necessary? Not for me. I have a son. He’s not my blood, but I will be a dad for him. And that’s the part that matters. 

I don’t hold resentment against those who have children even though they are mentally ill. What’s the point? I’d just walk around angry all the time with no possible way to resolve it. I think we are pretty much gambling when we make children anyway. We don’t have perfect genetic sequences, and we leave the choice of traits up to a largely random process. That is our current mode of reproduction, but I doubt it will always be that way. 

I’m alive during a rather futile and frustrating chapter in the development of humanity. We are a divided species, at war with itself like an animal gnawing off limbs to escape a trap. There is no unity, and widespread hatred of that which is different from what we understand personally. We live in a time of delusion and gluttony. The human race is exploding like a brushfire across the face of the Earth, and eventually something will happen that will bring it back into balance. A catastrophe of one form or another will be the event that finally unites us above our petty differences. We need calamity to force us into needing each other to survive. I fear I may never see that happen in my lifetime, and may not even survive the event that triggers the down-scaling of our civilization. 

Well what about gradual change? Couldn’t we work out our differences and unite without a disaster? Not likely. People are only motivated to change their core values when they are overridden by a more important value, and no one will let go of their beliefs until threatened by death. People don’t want to die, and they will change if they think that death is the consequence for standing pat. So we probably need a disaster to bring people together to survive, and enrage as one people, unified for progress. 

Talk about tangent. 

It’s back to work tomorrow. I have no anxiety about this. Sometimes I really don’t want to go back, but I feel good about it tonight. I’m going to go in there and kick butt, and I’m proud of what I do. I want to help, plus, I’m fun to talk to. 
Food for thought.