Subside

I have been struggling with my anxiety lately. Tonight I have been feeling really bad, and I think I will need to take medical action. It’s getting to the point where I am acutely suffering, and maybe an anti anxiety med is needed. 

But that won’t help me tonight. So I did my showers, but that only helped for a short time. I started being critically introspective and analyzing the source of my anxiety-inducing thoughts. I stress about things that haven’t happened yet and have quite outlandish paranoia. I sometimes feel so vastly different from everyone else that very few people really get me. 

So I identified some things I was spinning myself up about and thought about that quietly for a while. I reassured myself that there was no point wasting my energy on thinking about these things. That they were largely out of my control and, therefore, not something I can do anything about. So I breathed deeply, and unpacked those feelings. After a little while, I started to feel calmer. Now that an hour or so has passed since the most acute symptoms were present, I am in a much better place. 

Amanda is worried about me. Tomorrow I’m going to call the doctor and ask for an emergency appointment. I think that the agitation, pressure and high blood pressure are a symptomatic response that can be treated. I can handle the cognitive side of this situation, but it’s not just thinking my way out of trouble. I need some help. 

**UPDATE**

My anxiety was still very severe so I took some valerian root capsules and Amanda brought out some massage devices. One that uses pads and electric pulses, and one vibrating heated massager. The distraction was quite satasfactory and I had the tension relaxed away from my shoulders. The electric pulse machine forced my muscles to spasm, then relax, which is also a technique for getting out of bad physical anxiety. 

I’m headed for bed, and I feel much better. 

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