Grinding

Score: +3.5

Ah, back to the real world we go. Amanda went to work for the first time in a couple months, and she held on tight. Monday was not as busy as I had anticipated it being, which I was glad for. We both did great today. We survived, and celebrated with a sushi feast. Hooray!

I think we are both embarking on a new pattern of success. All we need to be concerned about is getting through each day. One step at a time. There is no need to look ahead and get anxious. We are both on Buspar now. I’m feeling fewer symptoms for sure, and so is she. 

I had a Jax dream last night. It was silly, because she was in my dream trying to start a fight. But I wasn’t having it. Amanda was there looking for a teenage mutant ninja turtle costume. Weird. It’s the first time I gave dreampt about her and it was more an amusing thing than a bad thing. 

This brings me to think about the source of these perplexing visions. I have been checking on Jax’s blog because I was curious about her motives for deleting my comment and then going on a rant about how she can’t convince anyone to change their view of the world to be more like hers. She also took time to insult me, of course. I can’t help but feel a great upwelling of pity for her. She has no one. I must be one of the rare few who actually reads her posts. No one likes her writing or comments, even though she must use at least 20 or more tags. She’s really trying. But I think people can see that she’s not writing from a genuine place. She tries to spin her reality to be what she wants it to be, not what it actually is. People don’t want to read that. Blogs should be about what is real. They are full of unprocessed emotion, conflict, regret. Sometimes there is great joy, but life is never just one way. I know Jax is still holding on to her anger, and I think that’s why she was in my dream trying to argue with me. But I was much more interested in watching Amanda find her costume. 

Well, I’m managing my energy levels because the week ha only begun. I’m off to a good start. I kept to myself today at work even though I found some stupid fucking mistakes that resulted in pissed off customers. I swallowed my outrage, fixed the problem, and moved on. I felt better in the end. I got to keep busy and just cancel everyone out. It was actually kinda nice. 
Have a great night blog. 

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