Acute

Sometimes I am totally incapacitated by my illness. It comes at me as soon as I wake up, and it doesn’t let go of me until after I go to bed. I have come to recognize these “off days” as unavoidable when they are happening. It is frustrating, but it is also a part of my illness as I have come to understand it. 

Today, I have been struggling to find something positive to lean on. I have been crushed under the weight of sorrow; it represents an emotional upwelling with no explainable source. Amanda texted me and told me she was suffering today as well. Hers I can understand, because she tried to get off the Abilify on her own. That seems to have had reporcusions on her stability. Which is unfortunate, because she is unhappy with the side effects of the Abilify. I think she should go see her doctor and ask him if there are any other options. 

Tonight we are going to try and enjoy ourselves. When bad Mondays happen, we make it a point to initiate a celebration of some form. The pattern has been to cheer the arrival of the weekend, but why do we do this for an already good thing? Shouldn’t the celebration be on the worst day, so that it does not seem as bad? It might alleviate the suffering to end on a positive note. 

Well, I’m stuck in this bad place. Tomorrow will be different, you’ll see. 

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5 thoughts on “Acute

    • It’s going to be tough because we pick up the boy from school tonight and for the rest of the week. He’s pretty high energy and between the two of us I’m not sure how we are going to keep up. But sometimes the shock of having to be there for him is enough to take your mind off the suffering. We will be sure to enjoy whatever we can tonight, sunset, yummy foods, and whatever else we can manage.

      • You should enjoy his boundless amount of energy and marvel at the wonder where the hell it all comes from :) Just one day at a time is all we can do. Oooo I want pasta-I just cake birthday cake lol
        It’s hard to parent when you are wrapped in the weighted blanket of depression, but they give us a reason to try a little harder. {Hugs}

      • You’re right. He’s a good kid, and I think we will be coming out from underneath the blanket tonight. I’m having a hard time comprehending that at the moment, but I’m sure it will happen. Your words are appreciated.

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