It was better today then yesterday, but there is plenty of room for improvement. It was a difficult day, where all of my actions seemed forced. Even though the voice inside my head was SCREAMING for me to go home, I stayed through my entire shift. I could have left early and still been paid for it, but I did not want to let depression take any more of my time. I trudged through the wasteland of my mind and endured against the decay.
My energy level is about the same as it was yesterday, but the score changed because my attitude was better. I did lots of work, processed a dozen help tickets, and took my share of calls out of the queue. I talked to no one today, and no one talked to me. I stayed in my cubicle and worked with my head down. Which was good, because I really hate the bullshit that goes on there. People on worktime codes who are doing nothing but walking around socializing really drive me nuts. All this while call after call pile up in the queues bringing our numbers down. My supervisors don’t do anything about it, and I don’t really know why. Maybe they are just too busy.
I win another $50 prepaid visa today. That’s 2/3 weeks I’ve won something. And not surprising, considering that I work a lot and have my name entered in the raffle several times. That’s just more money in my pocket for doing exactly what I am asked to do.
I’m tired. I think I will be better tomorrow. My energy should improve and then my score should go back to normal. I told Amanda what was going on and she thinks I should call my doctor. Maybe I will, but I don’t feel like I’m at a critical point yet. If things get worse then yes I will.
My symptoms are pretty nonexistent today, it’s just the lack of energy that has me feeling deflated. I’m going to get dinner ready. Goodbye.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling so much, and I agree with Amanda, if it doesn’t improve call your doctor. Quick question, do you enjoy your job?
I enjoy helping people, but the job is pretty stressful. I’m actually doing much better today. It takes a lot out of me to do my job effectively, but I also take pride in it. Double-edged sword.
Well at least you enjoy it, even though its pressurising imagine you didn’t like it either?
No the pressure I could do without. But building self-confidence is really important to be and my ongoing mental health journey. Even if it is hard, sometimes we have to do those things because that’s how we prove that we are strong.
Very insightful way of thinking! As you say its not always easy to motivate ourselves to do what will eventually help us, good luck x
Thanks. Have a great day. I appreciate your comments.